


The Aftermath - a Hurt/Comfort story

by Eos_x



Series: Nexus [6]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Bonding, Brotherhood, Comfort Food, Developing Relationship, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friendship, Gift of Life, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Love, M/M, Memories, Musician Rodney McKay, Pain, Panic, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Protective Rodney, Protectiveness, Science Fiction, Team Bonding, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, Trauma, Violent Memories, Visions, Wraith, Wraith (Stargate), Wraith Feeding, Wraith cry sometimes too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23680393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eos_x/pseuds/Eos_x
Summary: This story follows on from the harrowing events of ‘The Attack’, where a group of rogue Genii soldiers attempted to storm into Atlantis and take Dr. McKay and Nexus, the young wraith officer, away with them. The attack has left some people injured and traumatised, desperate to move on and heal.Colonel Sheppard is also awaiting the return of the Commander (Todd). His arrival heightens the conflict until he provides a gift for Nexus that turns things around and brings everyone together.
Relationships: John Sheppard/Todd the Wraith, Nexus the Wraith/OFC Juno
Series: Nexus [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570690
Comments: 56
Kudos: 47





	1. Juno

**Author's Note:**

> It might be helpful to read part 5 in this series - The Attack - before this one, but it should all make sense either way. What starts with a handful of hurting people will turn into a whole lot of comforting fluffiness, I promise!
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU TO BAGHEERITA!!! You are a wonderful beta and give absolutely exceptional writing advice!!! :)
> 
> There's a glossary in the endnotes for a few of the wraith terms that pop up here and there in this story.
> 
> As always, Stargate Atlantis is the property of MGM. Only Nexus and Juno are mine. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juno, an archivist and researcher in Atlantis, has been left reeling after her intense mind-to-mind connection with Nexus during the rogue Genii attack. She is about to learn that help comes from unexpected places...

Juno had finally given up on trying to get any work done. At first, she just couldn’t focus. Her quarters were all too quiet and the text in front of her had blurred in and out of focus. She missed her comfortable nook in the archive room. She could usually depend on her ability to lose herself in her research, but not today. Not since... 

The knocking at her door had been a welcome interruption, despite her surprise to find one overly energetic physicist delivering baked goods. Now, she cast a longing glance at the pile of portfolios, eager to get back to the safety of her solitude, but Dr. McKay seemed to have settled in on her sofa.

Juno fiddled carelessly with the pen in her hand. It didn’t help her mood that the flimsy plastic blue biro was merely a cheap imposter, lacking the weight and substance of her cherished gold fountain pen. She wondered where Colonel Sheppard had stored it after the attack. After he had prised it from her bloody, frozen fingers in the aftermath of the Genii attack…

 _Stop that,_ she warned herself and forced her attention back to her oblivious guest.

“...so, basically, there’s really no reason why you can’t come to a rehearsal tonight, you know. You definitely need the practice. I mean, you know, I’ve been slaving over the composition while you’ve been relaxing in the infirmary. But now you’re fine, so… rehearsal. Tonight.” Rodney delivered this all through a mouthful of not-banana muffin. She had been thrilled when Dr. McKay had invited her to collaborate on a song. Their last rehearsal feels like a lifetime ago.

Juno felt the weight of his scrutiny as his intense blue eyes studied her face. After acknowledging her reluctance, the scientist swallowed his mouthful and added, “you are fine… right?”

Juno got the impression Rodney assumed that as long as _he_ was convinced of something, the sheer power of his willful nature could force it into being true. She liked Dr. McKay. She realised that other people sometimes found him… ( _difficult-caustic-selfish),_ while she thought the man was more.... ( _preoccupied-honest-brilliant)_. She tried to clear the thoughts from her mind that were decidedly _not_ _hers_ by shaking her head. 

Rodney’s bullish insistence disappeared, replaced by uncertainty. “Oh! Well, um. Do you want to, you know, talk about it?” It was obvious that he most definitely did not want to talk about it. 

Instead of answering, she looked down at the blue plastic pen rolling between her fingers. 

She sighed. It wasn’t Rodney’s fault that she was so tired. He’d been trying valiantly to cheer her up. He had given her the latest news on the aftermath of the rogue Genii attack and reassured her that she was better off in her quarters, away from Dr. Beckett’s voodoo pseudo-science. She had to admit that his presence was actually comforting; he also didn’t mind that she never said a word, happy enough to carry the conversation. 

He was also helping to keep her mind off a certain wraith officer who was convalescing in the infirmary’s isolation room. Otherwise she would obsess over his status _(pain-black-biting)_ and whether he would make it through in the end _(help-please-hive)_ . Meanwhile, her headaches often left her in her own world of sharp edges and stabbing points _(hush-heal-stellanix)_ but even so, it would not remove his voice from her mind. 

She must have phased out again because Rodney was halfway through another muffin by the time she looked up at him. She stilled the hypnotic movement of the pen and clutched it in her fist instead. She couldn’t help but glance once more at the pile of portfolios from the disastrous hijacked meeting. That report had taken forever to put together. Not that she minded trawling through the city’s database and archives, hunting out any useful information for the upcoming mission. 

She was eager to update the report and hand it off to Mr. Woolsey. She would be glad to be rid of it. 

“Oh, Christ, look at the time. Beckett’s update started five minutes ago and Sheppard’s going to moan about me being late again,” Rodney explained, standing and scooping up his tablet. He waved the device around to punctuate his point. “I mean, it’s hardly my fault that I’m busier than everyone else.” 

Catching her troubled expression he asked, “Hey, do you want to come? You could hear how Nexus is doing?”

Juno hesitated then shook her head. 

“Look, I know things seem really bad for Nexus. Like, seriously at death’s door… But I heard Todd’s on his way and I’m sure he can fix him up in a jiffy.” 

The last thing she wanted was to face another wraith. She was having enough trouble dealing with the one imposing on her mind. 

“Juno,” Rodney paused, searching for the right thing to say. “Nexus… he took bullets for Woolsey. Bullets. As in, plural. I know he did that wraithy Professor X mind-pushing thing - and _none_ of us are okay with that - but we might not _be_ here at all if he hadn’t tried. You know that, right?”

In amongst all the turmoil since the attack, Juno had somehow forgotten that both Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay had been affected by Nexus and the strength of his mind. She wondered if Rodney knew just how badly damaged she felt. Nexus hadn’t just pushed her, he’d climbed right in and almost taken over. _And now he doesn’t seem to want to leave..._

She nodded to Rodney and went to hand him the remaining muffins, relinquishing the pen from her hand. 

“No, no, no, no, no. They’re for you,” he explained, making his way to the door. Catching her confusion, he gave her a skeptical look. “For saving us. _You know._ With the - with the pen and the leaping and the stabbing… sorry. I’m sure you remember it all too well. So. They’re thank-you muffins?”

An awkward pause drew out between them. Plucking one of the remaining muffins from the basket, she thrust it at him in a make-shift thank you of her own. Grinning, Rodney took the muffin. “Well, if you insist, I _suppose_ I could take one more. For the road.”

With that, she hustled him out of her quarters, the scientist managing to leave a trail of crumbs behind him. Before she closed the door, he turned to her and flashed that signature Dr. McKay crooked smile. “I heard there’ll be doughnuts in the mess hall later.”

She shook her head in silent protest but to no avail. McKay simply raised his chin in dismissal. “Nonsense. I’ll bring one to our rehearsal for you. If there’s any left after the IOA debrief.” 

Rodney continued his narrative as he wandered off down the hall. “Honestly, if those buffoons even _think_ they can pin the blame for the attack on Sheppard, or if they even _dare_ to try and question Nexus while he’s injured, well,” he waved his tablet in defiance. “Let’s just say I have a whole lotta pent up anger at the Genii and _apparently_ I’m not allowed to attend the meeting with Ladon Radim, so…”

She watched him go, baffled by this man who people seemed to think didn’t care about anyone but himself. He did care. A great deal, actually. She wasn’t sure how she had managed to qualify for Rodney’s daily visits and deliveries of baked goods. _I guess stabbing a man in the throat is how,_ she thought, dismally. 

Juno closed her door and traded the nearly empty basket for her pen, clicking it on and off as she moved to her bathroom to splash water on her face. She stopped as she caught her reflection in the mirror, her face wreathed in shadow. Lines of exhaustion framed her empty green eyes and her frown lines looked deeply entrenched between her brows. Described as ‘nice’ or ‘pleasant’ her whole life, Juno knew that what people actually meant was ‘plain’ and ‘ordinary’. Light ash-brown hair, fair complexion, decent features… she got the occasional compliment about her green eyes _(jade-forest-moss-pure-bright-pools)_ but today they just seemed watery and dull. 

Nexus never seemed to notice what she looked like; he only showed interest in her mind signature, her _solis_. Before the madness of the attack, he had begun telling her a bit about how it all worked. The whole conversation had been fascinating, one that she’d planned on continuing some time. But then--

_[nexus on the floor. blood. black ink. death. help me- he said._

_the genii leader. sneering. murderer._

_weapon-pen-sword thrust. neck pierced. his hands at her throat._

_gasping. help me nexus]_

_‘Stella-nix,’_ the memory of his voice whispered in the back of her mind. _‘Stella-nix mea…’_

 _Not stella-nix_ , sh e thought to herself, banging the treacherous pen down on the edge of the sink. _Not anymore._

Juno could feel the wraith’s attention shift towards her and a shiver ran down her spine. Even from the isolation room, he could almost reach her. A painful ache awakened in her head and threatened further assault so she snapped her attention back to the mirror. 

She tugged a brush through her hair, noticing for the first time an unexpected change. She reluctantly flicked on the bathroom light, bathing the room in a harsh fluorescent glow. _Grey?_ Since when did she have grey hair? She started to panic and rifled through the top draw for her hand-held mirror, using it to take a good look at her hair from every angle. _Grey._ It was almost _entirely_ grey. The pressure was building now, in her heart and in her head. 

_Could shock do this? Really?_ It seemed like something out of a bad horror movie. Becoming almost entirely grey-haired overnight struck her like a blow to the gut. _I’m only thirty-two,_ she challenged. _Why didn’t anybody say anything?_

She felt the room spin and went to grip the sides of the sink, the small mirror clattering to the ground. Avoiding her image in the mirror, Juno could feel her anxiety rising, threatening to take over. Her breath came in fast gasps and beads of sweat emerged along her hairline. Tremors claimed her legs and she felt herself sinking to her knees. _Was this punishment for what she had done?_

_i deserve this_ Her grey hair marked her for her crime.

_i killed him - ohgod_ And everyone knows what she did.

_ohgodohgodohgod_ Now they’ll always know.

Her hands gripped the rim of the sink like a lifeline as she knelt on the cold bathroom tiles. Image after image flashed before her - _her_ hand plunging the barbed pen into that man’s neck and _her_ hand wrenching it back out again, spilling his blood, killing him. 

  
  


_[blood. blood everywhere._

_gushing from his neck. spraying her face. spilling down his brown uniform._

_dead eyes staring, accusing her. she killed him. her. juno._

_stella-nix]_

Nexus had been there with her. There in her mind; pleading, begging, pushing. Somehow, his hand was with her hand, taking that man’s life. She could not have done it without him. She _should_ not have done it at all. _Should she?_ Rodney was right, without what Nexus did… she shied away from that thought. 

_[strong arms around her waist. pulling her in. the wraith._

_sheppard staring. head shaking. he knows about nexus._

_inky blood at her back. red blood on her face. metallic odors, hot, clinging._

_dead eyes everywhere.]_

  
  


Right after the attack, there had only been Nexus and the Nothing. No sounds. No smells. Darkness. Still. 

She conjured that empty place from the depths of her mind and cocooned herself in it, her eyes closed. She knew it wasn’t safe to hide in that dead place. If she wasn’t careful, she might not find her way back out. She would become lost in the Nothing. 

_no Juno_ She felt a gentle tug at her mind. But he was too weak.

...

_no stella-nix_ Nexus sent her _please_ and _wait_ and _help_. She ignored him.

_no nexus_

_stella-nix mea_ The pulling was insistent. He grabbed at her, straining himself.

_no more, nexus!_

_stop!_

_STOP!_

And he did. He left her in that instant; completely alone and coming apart, fraying at the seams. With her eyes still closed, she reached out along the sink, trying to find that pen. That poor substitute for her treacherous ( _treasured_ ) fountain pen. She managed to knock everything onto the floor, eyes flying open at the resulting clamour. She spotted the petty imposter item among the bathroom debris. Huddled on the floor, weeping and hysterical now, she clicked the top of the pen, revealing the tiny rounded nib.

She hesitated for a moment, thinking of her fountain pen. Remembering how the colours swirled in the resin; amber, gold, ochre, onyx. _Just like his eyes…_

_[his eyes staring at her under the table, imploring her to help him]_

Juno jammed her thumb down on the tip of the inferior pen, forcing that image away. She kept up the pressure, waiting for the stinging pain to demand her full attention. But the nib wasn’t sharp enough. It wasn’t sharp enough to hurt--

_[to kill. To jam itself through skin and muscle and set the wound weeping red]_

\--so she struggled to get her breathing under control, struggled to drive away the nightmare of images.

_stella-nixxxx_

This time, when his awareness turned to her, he bathed her in the warmth of a new image, one that cast her violent memories away. The scene slowly unfurled, obscured by a light purple haze; strong arms wrapped around someone. Soothing hisses and purring vibrations and a feeling of _safe-calm-hive._ She sank into the memory, watching with increasing calm as a young wraithling _(nexussss)_ was being cradled and rocked by someone older _(ssssire)_ while all around there came a low, soothing hum _(hive)._

Juno lost herself in the comforting vision, suspended in the moment. But the throbbing in her thumb dragged her mind away from the tempting comfort of the gifted illusion.

Tired green eyes flickered open and she took in the mess around her. Smashed face cream, scattered hairpins, errant tissues, and...

… something else. Her free hand reached out to pick up a foreign item that was half-buried by her things. _What the…?_ Exhaustion drove away her ability to recall what it was, so she shoved the unknown object in her pocket. 

Leaving the mess for later, Juno got up wearily, refusing to acknowledge her new, strange steel-grey tresses as she passed by the mirror. She trudged across her quarters to collapse into bed, weighed down by her leaden hair. 

Juno fell asleep still clutching onto the plain, ordinary, innocent blue pen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:  
> eres-vitalum - He Who Commands My Life (wraith term for Commander but denotes a pledge/vow to serve)  
> filum - the connecting mental thread between two soli (minds).  
> solis/soli - the mind signature of a wraith or human.  
> Stella-nix mea - my hidden star (the name Nexus has given Juno)  
> stella-tenux - Nexus creates a mental map that resembles a night sky, only the ‘stars’ are the soli of those around him.  
> "Salus requiem in somnus aeternum" - ‘safe rest in the eternal sleep’ (a wraith saying)  
> Teneo-vitalum - He Who Holds My Life (a term of endearment from Nexus to Todd)  
> Tribuo-vitalum - He Who Gave Me Life (a wraith term meaning ‘father’)


	2. Sheppard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheppard and his team meet with Dr. Beckett to get an update on the victims of the rogue Genii attack. Todd arrives to care for Nexus who suffered the most at the hands of the Genii.

Sheppard stood at the observation window, peering down at Nexus in the hospital bed below. The wraith, hooked up to a wall of blinking machines, was looking a shadow of his usual over-confident self. It seemed impossible that such a powerful space alien could look like anyone of his other guys -battered and broken after a difficult mission. John felt caught between his natural protectiveness, reinforced by the promise he’d made to Todd, and the dread he still felt towards all Wraith ever since his shock at that very first culling in Athos.

Unable to quell his inner turmoil, he turned his attention back to the meeting. 

“Mr. Woolsey is recovering well, Colonel,” explained Dr. Beckett, his soothing Scottish brogue setting the room at ease. “It won’t be much longer until he can take over again as our leader and you’ll be off the hook.” 

Sheppard allowed his relief to wash over him. The past 48 hours were taking their toll. In that time, he’d helped to bring down a group of rogue soldiers intent on kidnapping two of his people. _Well, one person and one wraith._ He’d watched as their expedition leader had been wheeled into surgery and he had repeatedly checked in on all of the victims of this whole ordeal. He had also overseen the removal of the dead Genii soldiers _and_ managed to convince McKay to upgrade the city’s self-cleaning program to deal with the leftover carnage in the conference room. 

And all while nursing a pretty serious concussion. He scrubbed his hand over his face trying to erase the last two days without sleep.  _ He really needed a shave.  _

Speaking of McKay, the physicist chose that moment to charge into the room amidst mumbled incantations of “sorry, sorry, sorry,” before jamming himself between Teyla and Ronon at the observation window, shoulders slumping at the sorry sight of Nexus. The whole team had tagged along for Carson’s update. The five of them were crowded in front of the viewing window, looking down at the sleeping wraith.  _ Geez _ .  _ The wraith looked absurdly fragile down there. _

“Now, where are we on the, er, feedin’ situation?” Beckett asked, casting a wary glance at the Colonel. “It’s gettin’ a bit dire down there.”

“I’ll sort it,” Ronon grumbled, pointedly gesturing with his blaster. But his threat lacked the usual heat.

“Woolsey’s mighty glad that Nexus was there and took those extra shots, lad,” Beckett reminded the angry Satedan. “Four bullets is a lot for a young wraith who hasn’t, er, fed in many weeks.”

When Ronon looked like he was gearing up to say more on the topic, John jumped in with, “Todd should be here any minute.” He thought he did pretty well to keep his apprehension to himself. 

“And how is our angry green friend?” needled Rodney. 

“He’s fine, Rodney,” replied Sheppard casually. 

“Seriously Sheppard, any minute now I’m expecting him to bust a hole in that door and call out _‘Heeeeere’s Toddy!_ ’” Rodney even added jazz hands for increased effect.

The physicist’s theatrical skepticism prompted Sheppard to add, “When I spoke to him he was typical Todd. You know; condescending, cavalier, supercilious. The usual.”

“Ha!” barked McKay, coming to stand right in front of him. “That ‘Word of the Day’ calendar can’t save you, Sheppard. You know and I know that you’ve been awaiting his arrival with mounting disquietude.”

Sheppard shot McKay a questioning look. 

“Oh, sorry, Mr. Dictionary,” replied the scientist, clearly not sorry at all. “Disquietude; a noun meaning a state of disquiet, uneasiness, agitation .”

Unfortunately, McKay was... not wrong. The wraith Commander had been furious when John had reported the current state of health of his young  protégé .  _ And it’s only going to get worse, _ he thought to himself, considering the information he  _ hadn’t  _ divulged during their hasty communication. 

Teyla moved to stand next to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I am certain that, once explained, Todd will understand that the circumstances were outside of your control, John,” she said, giving Beckett a run for his money on who would win the award for Best Bedside Manner.

“What about Juno, doc?” Sheppard inquired, eager to move the conversation along. “And Chuck?”

“Chuck was no worse for wear once that tranquilizer wore off. In fact, he seems to be telling anyone who'll listen about his harrowing brush with death. I think he's enjoying a wee bit of celebrity,” joked the doctor. He paused and took a deep breath. “I released Juno to her quarters earlier today. While physically she’s fine, I’m afraid she still hasn’t said a word to anyone. Can one of you pop in to see her later today? See if you can’t get her talkin’ a wee bit now that she’s away from the infirmary.”

“I wish to pay her a visit,” said Teyla, inclining her head. “This was probably her first altercation involving such dangers, so her reaction is understandable.”

“Ay. The trauma of hurting someone and watching them die, well. There’s no cure for that one I’m afraid,” Beckett agreed, nodding soberly. 

"And I believe it may be of help for her hear about some of my experiences with the Wraith," she continued, shooting a meaningful look at Sheppard.

“No need, Teyla. I’ve already been to see her today,” McKay chimed in proudly. 

Sheppard stared at his teammate in disbelief. “McKay! Didn’t know you were making house calls now."

“Yes. That's right. And… I brought muffins.”

"Okayyy," Sheppard drawled. "So what’d she have to say?”

“Ahhh, well, um… I don’t really recall what she said. I was there for ages so she must have said something, right? She liked the muffins. I think. Well, I definitely liked the muffins…” McKay trailed off, deep in thought.

John shared a knowing look with his other teammates. He was about to make a witty comment but was interrupted by his comm going off with news from the gateroom. It seemed that Todd had arrived and was on his way to them, his usual guards in tow. 

“I have also…  _ spoken  _ with Nexus,” Teyla reported. To her right, Ronon went rigid. Ignoring the ex-runner’s reaction, she continued, “He is also struggling with the aftermath of the crisis, although I believe he is only concerned with Juno’s wellbeing. He seems quite distraught that she has not been to see him.”

Sheppard really felt for the archivist. She was still a relatively new face in Atlantis but had turned out to be a whizz with the Ancient database. “Yeah, she had a rough night, that’s for sure. She was with the SGC for years without seeing any action. She probably came to Atlantis thinking the worst she had to deal with was a hypoglycemic McKay--”

“Hey!” protested the perpetually hungry scientist. 

“Rodney - you ate a honey-cake during a hostage situation!” exclaimed Carson. 

“--and she wound up  _ killing a guy _ ,” Sheppard finished. 

“And that wraith got in her head,” muttered the Satedan.

The clatter of footsteps in the hall outside drew Sheppard’s attention.  “Hey now, guys--” 

Rodney barrelled right on, “Well, I for one have no problem with the fact that Turgenev won’t be bothering anyone again. And if it took Nexus getting in our heads a little--”

“Rodney--” Sheppard tried to interrupt,  glancing tensely at the dark figure entering the room. 

Rodney ignored him and whined, “Yes, Colonel, I agree. It was disturbing, to say the least. Why is it that most things about the wraith are just so… creepy?” 

Before Sheppard could stop him, Rodney continued, unaware of the sudden chilly atmosphere in the room. “You know. With their eerie hives and sadistic cocoons and those big, faceless ones tromping around. And don’t even get me started on the pitiful state of their control systems…” 

Sheppard helpfully pointed over Rodney’s shoulder and the man finally realised their guest had arrived and squawked out, “...and Todd’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?”

“Dr. McKay,” growled the wraith, breathing heavily on the back of the scientist’s neck, causing him to stiffen with fright. 

Taking a deep, shuddering breath Rodney turned slowly and came face to face with a broad,  not-quite-leather-clad  chest. Lifting his chin in trademark defiance, Rodney looked Todd right in the eye and announced, “I’m afraid to report that the last time I visited your hive it was a tad...  _ chilly _ . I came down with a cold! Atlantis cannot afford for me to be out of commission, thank you very much. You should definitely get one of your flunkies to look into that.”

Stepping to the side he maneuvered carefully around the incensed wraith and marched out the door. John was simultaneously proud of McKay’s bravery and eager to usher him and the others out of the room. This was not a conversation that needed an audience. His team and the doctor filed quickly out the door, only the Satedan pausing to size up and sneer at the wraith as he sauntered by.

Door firmly shut behind them, he turned to find that Todd had moved to the observation window, completely unruffled by the Satedan’s behaviour. Sheppard adopted his usual casual stance and charming-the-enemy smile. 

“Todd... buddy,” he drawled. 

“John Sheppard,” rumbled Todd, not taking his eyes off the young wraith sleeping below. If Sheppard was not mistaken, the fleeting look on the wraith’s face was almost… tender. “I left you in charge of my officer’s safety and I returned to find him barely living.  _ Explain _ .”

Sheppard rushed into his practiced explanation. “Ladon Radim sent through an apology only last night. Apparently he was informed that our meeting had been postponed. Turns out that guy - Turgenev? - he wanted to crash the party instead.”

“He wished to attend this  _ secret  _ ‘party’ of yours?” Todd inquired, barely containing his rage as he turned to address Sheppard. “So exclusive, in fact, that my own representative didn’t warrant an invitation?”

“Look," Sheppard placated, holding his hands out slightly, palms up to please the wraith. “Radim had indicated to us that he could be an asset on this mission of yours and we wanted to feel him out before bothering you with it.”

Todd wasn’t buying it. He moved right into John’s personal space forcing him to take a few steps back. “Colonel Sheppard, we had a deal. Nexus was to attend _all_ meetings pertaining to our joint venture  _ and  _ you were meant to see to his safety.  _ Personally _ . On both accounts, you have failed.”

Sheppard found he couldn’t look Todd in the eye . There was no room to maneuver here at all. He was literally backed into a corner that he couldn’t walk or talk his way out of.  _ Well, a man’s gotta try...  _

“Todd,” he said, finally glancing up. Todd didn’t move, eyes boring into Sheppard’s. “We all know how much you hate the Genii and I’m right there with you, buddy. I just didn’t want to deal with… well,  _ you  _ unless Radim had something major to contribute.”

Todd just stood there, waiting in stubborn silence. 

Sheppard continued bluntly, “So. Now Nexus is down there all shot to shit and  _ you  _ think it’s  _ my  _ fault and now you’re angry--”

“Are you saying that it is not your fault, Sheppard?” the wraith asked, icily.

“Well... that’s just the nature of what we do. It’s  _ dangerous _ . And  Nexus wasn’t even meant to  _ be  _ there,” Sheppard justified. “Besides, you’re gonna fix him up, right? Good old ‘ _ Meals on Wheels’ _ . Or should I say,  _ ‘Meals on Darts’ _ .” He shot the wraith a winning smile.

“It should not have had to come to this, Sheppard,” Todd hissed, unaffected by his attempt at lightening the situation. “Two drones had to be drained for your…  _ mistake _ .”

“Hey. Before you go pointing fingers at people and their ‘mistakes’,” the Colonel made air quotes which only confused the wraith, “ Nexus isn’t so innocent here .”

“What are you inferring?” Todd demanded.

“It seems  _ your  _ young apprentice down there thought it might be a good idea to _use_ one of  _ our  _ people to attack Turgenev. If you know what I mean.” Sheppard tapped his fingers to his temple and gained some ground when the wraith took a step back at this revelation. “Yeah, that’s right. He turned our archivist into an- an... assassin, Todd.”

Sheppard still couldn’t get that final image out of his mind. That moment when he had turned from Turgenev's lifeless body to see the two of them curled up on the floor. Nexus had draped himself around Juno, his body wracked with violent tremors. Juno had gone pale and limp, totally swamped by the wraith’s embrace. 

But it was their expressions that plagued him. Identical blank looks of shock, painted with ghoulish black and red blood spatters; Juno’s green eyes had gone all glassy and the wraith’s were a haunted yellow.

John couldn’t help the aching pity that had crawled up his throat. He'd tried to pull Juno away from Nexus, who had responded by tightening his protective hold  on the traumatised  woman .

Then the young wraith had asked him the most tragic of questions while cradling Juno's head in the crook of his arm, and stroking her hair with trembling fingers. His voice was barely a whisper and his eyes never left Juno's face; “My fault, Sheppard?” 

So similar, in fact, to the  distressed  expression on Todd’s face. Almost as though he knew what Sheppard was thinking about… 

John finished quietly, “And now she won’t speak to anyone, Todd. Not a single word.”

“I need to see Nexus,” Todd announced, his stoic expression back in place and giving nothing away. 

Sheppard didn’t move.  “That’s... all you’ve got to say?”

“I need to see Nexus  _ now _ ,” Todd growled, raising himself to his full height, a clear threat looming over the defiant Colonel. “He needs to understand how things are done, Sheppard.”

“Sure, yeah… I guess. But remember that Nexus took two bullets meant for Woolsey. Then got another two for his trouble,” John explained, not sure exactly why he needed to say that. 

Todd cocked his head to one side and looked at him suspiciously. 

“Just… just maybe go a little easy on the guy.”

Sheppard resisted the urge to look away again. Instead, he focused on the way the light reflected off those dark yellow alien eyes. They almost looked gold. Something in the wraith's face softened ever so slightly. Neither of them moved; the silence between them growing heavy and feeling a different kind of dangerous. 

“Yeah. I’ll, um… wait up here then,” Sheppard stammered, stepping out of his way. “Keep an eye on things.”

Todd hovered in front of him, his gold eyes searching Sheppard’s face. For a moment, the wraith looked… lost. Sheppard thought it seemed like Todd wanted to say more but the wraith just brushed past him and walked away instead. 

John went back to the observation window and rested his forehead against the cool glass. He gazed down at Nexus and heaved a weary sigh. 


	3. Beckett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Carson Beckett, a patient is a patient, no matter where they're from or how moody they get when confined to a hospital bed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to say how much I love Dr. Beckett. He's everyone's big brother / agony aunt / shoulder to lean on... His character makes me happy. He's a walking warm fuzzy as far as I'm concerned. :)

Carson had quite gratefully left Sheppard to manage Todd. The Colonel seemed to have a way with him, they seemed to share a similar sense of humour. Either that or the wraith Commander just found Sheppard amusing, much in the same way people respond to dogs when they walk on their hind legs or howl along to a song on the radio.

The doctor had checked in on his other patients before making his way back to the infirmary’s isolation room. Pausing outside the double doors, heedless of the strapping young guards watching him, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

_ Well, that was a mistake, _ he thought. No sooner had his eyelids fluttered shut they staged a rebellion and refused to re-open.  _ Can a person fall asleep standing up? _ Apparently, the answer was  _ yes _ .

“You okay there, doc?” came the concerned query from guard number one.  _ Tony? Terry? Tee something... _

With a Herculean level of effort, Carson wrenched his eyelids back to their upright position. Another deep breath, this time ending in a tired smile. “Ay,  Travis . I’m okay.”

Guard number one  _ (definitely, Travis) _ shot a doubtful look at guard number two, who responded with, “Yeah right, Dr. B.”  _ Oh, geez, his name was right on the tip of his tongue... _

Nodding to them both he sighed and replied, “ Never you mind… uh, lad. O nce I get our young wraith friend back to his irreverent self, I have a definite date with my bed and then my tackle. My  _ fishing  _ tackle.  _ For fishing! _ I’m going, ah, fishing.”

Eager to get away from their embarrassed stares, he burst through the doors and hustled into the room. 

Nexus was right where he’d left him.  _ Well, of course he was. _ Poor guy couldn’t walk out of here if the room was on fire. 

Carson wondered when it was that he’d started thinking of the Wraith as though they were people. He’d always held a very healthy sense of fear and respect for their kind, but it was probably after the disaster that was known as Michael that he realised how human they could be too. Even after being held captive by Michael for two years _ (and learning he was a bloody clone for crying out loud!) _ he still couldn’t view them as evil monsters. 

If he was being honest with himself, it was his feelings of guilt over what his retrovirus did to Michael that changed everything. It's what drove him to monitor Nexus around the clock, sacrificing sleep and (he suspected) the respect of some of his team. _Ah, well. Can't be helped._

Take this young wraith officer; he's on the verge of death for jumping to the defense of a human. As far as Carson was concerned, Nexus was a patient deserving the best care he could offer, just like anyone else.  Hooked up to machines and an I.V. bag, pained expression ever present even in sleep, Nexus just looked broken. His breathing had taken on a distinctive rasp overnight and the pain meds just weren’t helping.  _ Todd better get down here soon. _

Speaking of Todd, Carson felt someone watching and raised his eyes up to the observation window. He didn’t quite know what to make of Todd. He certainly gave off a vibe of quiet menace which lurked just beneath his carefully crafted diplomatic veneer. And there were also times when it seemed as though the wraith was simply enjoying himself by toying with his funny little Earth humans. But then there were rare moments like this. The wraith Commander was staring down at Nexus, and clearly hadn’t even noticed the doctor because Carson could see his unguarded torment on display. It was obvious that he cared deeply for the young wraith. As if he had sensed Carson’s appraisal, the wraith’s worried yellow eyes caught Carson’s tired blue ones and his face instantly hardened. The doctor hastily looked away. 

With nothing to check and no one to fix, Carson took a seat next to the bed and watched the dying wraith. He rarely got a chance like this; to just observe one of their kind quietly. Sure, he’d done autopsies on a few unfortunate souls and seen many wraith in terrifying action, but this was different.

Nexus certainly had the usual definitive wraith characteristics; pale skin with a green hue, delicate wee veins at his temples, the requisite nasal slits and a peek of sharp teeth between parted dark lips. While his white hair was typically well-groomed, it was shorter than most, ending only just past his shoulders. Not the lengthy silken tresses of Kenny, or the disheveled ‘aging rocker’ mane sported by Todd. No facial hair or tattoos there either. Nexus looked… young and innocent. Almost... defenseless.

_ What was taking Todd so long? _ The doctor glanced up at the observation window again and froze, concern darkening his features. The wraith Commander was looming over the Colonel, mere inches between them, with a look of fury contorting his alien  features . Carson looked on in disbelief as Sheppard not only refused to back away, the man got right up into the wraith’s face sporting a fiery  expression  of his own. And to his utter disbelief, Todd actually backed off a little.  _ Well, you don’t see that every day. _

Carson understood Todd’s anger. Nexus had sustained substantial injuries and he was only just holding on. While all four bullet wounds were gruesome, one had developed a nasty infection. The other shots had ripped straight through the wraith’s body but Carson had struggled to remove the bullet from the fourth wound. Despite failing to heal completely during the attack, the wraith’s flesh had partially regenerated around that lodged projectile and kept trying to heal any of the doctor’s small incisions. Nexus also seemed to metabolise the anesthetic too quickly and kept rousing from being sedated, howling in pain while Beckett’s team hurried to inject him again and again. 

Shaking himself in an attempt to stay awake, the doctor’s eyes traveled down the wraith’s neck to the curious markings tattooed on his skin. He was still eager to know more about them. After the wraith had initially woken from surgery, Carson had tried to find something to distract him with, so he'd asked Nexus about the significance of his tattoos.  _ That had been a mistake alright.  _

_ Two days ago... _ __

_ Carson had fallen asleep on his computer keyboard and woken to a stiff neck and the thrashing limbs of an enraged wraith. Nexus had obviously panicked when he’d woken up in the infirmary after the attack. The wraith had been especially horrified to find himself clothed in hospital scrubs and, boy, did he know how to throw a tantrum. After knocking over every piece of equipment within arm’s reach, he’d tried to push himself off the bed only to collapse back down with a shriek of pain. _

_ “What is the meaning of this, human?!” he had roared. “Remove these vile coverings immediately!”  _

_ “Now, now. Your coat and shirt were full of holes, son,” Carson had coddled, rushing to his side.  _

_ But that only seemed to cause further fury. Nexus tore at his shirt, shredding it with his sharp talons. When it was reduced to mere ribbons, he had gathered it up and flung it across the room. Heaving great gulps of air, he crossed his arms over his pale chest and fixed his expression into an impressive sulk.  _

_ Carson had quietly disposed of the tattered remains and hadn’t bothered to try to get Nexus into another shirt. He was just happy the wraith had kept his pants on.  _

_ The doctor had approached cautiously, wet cloth in hand and gestured to where small nicks and cuts were healing slowly. The wraith refused to acknowledge the doctor’s intentions and turned his head away to resolutely stare at the wall. Carson had proceeded to gently wipe the residual droplets of blood from his skin and tried for his best ‘don't-spook-the-angry-wraith’ voice. _

_ “Ah, I see now,” he soothed. “You just wanted to show off those tattoos of yours, didn’t ye?” _

_ Frozen in apparent indifference, Nexus shifted only his yellow eyes to gaze intently at the doctor.  _

_ “They are... Naming Marks, Doctor Beck-ett,” he grumbled softly, watching for the doctor’s reaction. _

_ “Oh?” _

_ “Yessss. From my Feeding Day,” Nexus clarified. Prompted by Carson’s keen interest, he reluctantly continued. “When a wraith comes of age, they are brought onto a hive to engage in their first…” _

_ At the pregnant pause, Dr. Beckett simply said, “I understand, son. Go on.” _

_ “...before they are permitted to enter the holding cells, they are examined by the Queen. But I was raised aboard my birth hive by my Sire and Mother-Queen so she already knew me well. On my Feeding Day, she bestowed upon me my First Name. And thus I also received my Naming Marks.” _

_ A comfortable feeling had settled between doctor and patient. But then Carson had realised that the lad's real First Name couldn't be Nexus and his natural nosiness got the better of him. Weeks before, the Colonel had relayed the amusing story about how Todd had hastily named his wraith officer so that he could avoid Sheppard trying to christen him as 'Tom'. Nexus was much better. _

_ So then Carson had made the mistake of asking what his First Name was. Nexus had stiffened, a look of horror frozen on his tired face. Carson could have kicked himself. He knew that wraith never shared their names.  _

_ He whispered a soft, "Sorry, son," but the wraith just turned away from him, back to his intent inspection of the wall.  _

_ The doctor sighed to himself. He hadn’t had the courage to try again, so he had just busied himself by reattaching the sensor patches and checking on the wraith officer’s vitals.  _

And now, shaking his head again at his own blunder, the doctor studied the foreign etchings in wonder. A small gap of unblemished skin separated the two tattoos, placed either side of the wraith’s sternum. Wraith script began under the tips of his collarbones and extended outwards partway along the dip under his clavicles then continued with a single tattooed line following the length of the bones as they rose to the tops of his shoulders. 

Having operated extensively on the young Nexus, Carson knew that those lines encircled the wraith's neck, continuing along his back to meet another set of symbols that followed just under the tops of his scapula on either side of his back. Upon reaching the bone spurs of his spine, the letters gave way once more to a single line that crossed between his C6 and C7 vertebrae, right at the base of his neck.

To the doctor, it looked a little like an EKG; a single line running along the screen interrupted at regular intervals with the spikes of a patient’s heartbeat. Only this line originated between those vertebrae in his neck and traveled outward, spiking for a moment to frame the spine, then they traveled on around his neck on both sides, curved under the collarbones and ended near the middle of his chest with more ‘spikes’. 

Carson had also noticed three more marks higher up on the back of the wraith’s neck. Again, each with a thin horizontal line between the vertebrae and ending in Wraith symbols on each side.  _ Fascinating.  _ He wondered if all wraith had those marks.

His reverie was interrupted by a low rasping rumble. The wraith's face was contorted with pain, hands gripping the sheets below him. Carson was about to give the poor soul a top-up of his medication when he heard Nexus whimper, " _stella-nix_... Juno... _stella-nix mea."_

_Ah, another nightmare then._ All he could do was hover over the wraith, desperate to give comfort but knowing it would not be welcome. Nexus' time in the infirmary seemed to be punctuated by the slow torture of bouts of pain alternating with terrible dreams, leaving the wraith shattered. 

Finally, the writhing stilled and the whimpers died down.

Eyes fluttered open. Seeing Carson standing there, Nexus quickly rearranged his features into a look of cool detachment.  “Doctorrr Beck-ett. I see that you are here once again.” 

“Morning, laddie,” Carson smiled. He stood and leaned in close over his patient, checking his pupillary response with his penlight. _A bit sluggish._

“You are bold to come this close to a hungry wraith, doctor,” Nexus hissed menacingly.

“Now, none o’ that thank you,” Beckett admonished. “You’ve had plenty of opportunities and haven’t yet had a go, so I’m thinkin’ that I’m pretty safe.”

“What then? Have you come to preside over my ruin?” Nexus growled angrily. “Have you come to watch as I die, human?”

“No, son. Just checking in on you,” said the doctor softly, sitting back down. 

The exhausted doctor chuckled to himself as Nexus curled his lip in disdain. He was going to have to do a lot better than one tantrum and a bad attitude to drive Carson away. The wraith could learn a thing or two about being a difficult patient from the one and only Dr. Rodney McKay. 

“You don’t need to be so grumpy, lad,” he assured the wraith. Carson patted his hand lightly, amused at the wraith’s consternation at the innocent gesture. 

The wraith pulled his hand away and sneered, “I do not need your pity.”

“And ya won’t be gettin’ any, son,” the doctor continued. “Todd’s here now.”

Carson wasn’t expecting the look of alarm that flashed across the wraith’s face.  The doctor lifted his head to look up at the observation window. Now, it seemed, was Sheppard’s turn to look down at the young wraith, misery written across his weary face. Nexus followed the doctor’s gaze and glanced up just a moment too late and missed the Colonel’s concern. Instead, he caught Sheppard and Todd just standing there regarding one another. 

Carson was startled when he heard a low growl rumble from the wraith. Nexus flexed his hands then clenched his fists, nails biting into his palms. 

“Hey now,” Carson said gently, carefully bringing his warm hands to cover and calm the wraith’s restless ones. Surprisingly, Nexus allowed the doctor to remain this way, his head drooping with fatigue. “Just lie back now, okay? Todd will come down soon, lad.”

Seeing Nexus’ anxious expression Carson tried to soothe the young wraith. “He’s only worried about you, son. And maybe a little annoyed at Colonel Sheppard, but that never lasts long.”

“No, Doctor Beck-ett. I am afraid that the Commander is very much angered by me and not Colonel Sheppard.”

“Why on Earth would you think that?” Carson asked, blue eyes beseeching the young wraith to explain how that could be at all possible.

Nexus peered back at the doctor with wide, innocent eyes, guilt clearly torturing him. At that moment, the wraith looked so young and afraid. Carson suspected he knew what was plaguing Nexus. 

"Is this to do with what you've been saying in your sleep then?" When Nexus went to protest, Carson placed his hand on the wraith's arm and smiled softly. "It's okay, lad. I just want to help."

"Yes," he murmured. "He is angered by what I have done to..."

"Go on, son."

"To _stella-nix_."

"Lad?"

Nexus lowered his head and replied with such sadness that her name became a sigh; "Juno." 


	4. Nexus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nexus muses about his opinion of Dr. Beckett and gives insight into their difficult conversation. His beloved Commander has finally arrived, but will Nexus be able to face him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:  
> solis (mind signature),  
> stella-tenux (the name Nexus gives his map of minds),  
> stella-nix (‘tiny star’ - Nexus’ name for Juno),  
> teneo-vitalum (‘He Who Holds My Life’ - a term of endearment from Nexus to Todd).

Nexus would never admit to this out loud, but he had spent the better part of the last two days mentally clinging to the healer sitting by his bedside. While he detested being confined to this bed, he had developed something of a begrudging respect for the human. 

It had been a shock to wake up and find himself at the mercy of the healer, and he was now embarrassed at his behaviour. He had kicked and screamed and torn away the thin human coverings they had clothed him in. The loss of his coat might seem a small thing to the man gazing down at him, but it was everything to the wraith. It felt as though the final piece of him, the very last thing that made him Wraith and connected him to his home, had been ripped away. He felt exposed and vulnerable, weak without his favourite cladding. Nexus had yet to earn a true battlecoat, but here in Atlantis, he was supposed to be safe. 

So Nexus had looked elsewhere to find security when all he felt was the absence of his hive. Dr. Beckett was completely unaware of how his _solis_ had kept Nexus tethered to reality. How he had stopped the young wraith from allowing himself to be consumed by the darkness of his empty _stella-tenux_.

The barren black void loomed all around Nexus, seeping into his mind, dulling his own _solis_ to a pathetic purple bruise. The wraith felt the constant pull of the _nothing_ that surrounded him, that threatened to drown him if he gave in even for a moment.

From time to time he would manage to sense a distant _solis_ drifting by; red, orange, pale green, grey. But never the one he longed for. Never the tiny white spark of his _stella-nix_. Sometimes he dreamed about finding her and imagined hearing her call to him for help. He had tried crying out to her over and over again, but he was only met with silence.

Nexus could barely keep himself lucid and would sink from time to time into something akin to a catatonic state, where it was all too quiet. Lost in the depths of this black sea, he would eventually be dragged back to the surface of consciousness when his hunger and pain uncoiled from their deep lurking places. 

All he could do was thrash and keen and wail, claw at his bedclothes and try to crawl out of his skin. 

And then out of the darkness, that soft and steady pink _solis_ would emerge and with it would come the calming voice and the warm hands. Nexus would only just be able to sense the soft whispers of _hang on, Nexus_ and _hush now_ and _shhh-safe-careful-caring-care…_

...and mere moments later the blessed elixirs were administered, quelling the storm of agony and stilling the spasms that wracked his broken body. 

His acid eyes would flick open to meet watery blue ones brimming with _help_ and _heal_ and _hearten_ . Nexus had begun to reluctantly realise that he didn’t entirely resent Dr. Beckett. That, in fact, he had moored himself to the human’s placid pink torchlight of a _solis,_ grateful when it would chase away the darkness. 

The gentle human reminded him a little of his Sire when he used to tuck Nexus into his sleeping hammock. Though he wasn’t named Nexus then. 

Nexus imagined being back in those first chambers of his; curled up in soft coverings and lulled to sleep by the hum of the hive. He had loved it when his much older hive-brothers whispered their _goodsleeps_ to him through the lattice of hive- _filum_. His alcove had been connected to his Mother-Queen’s suite of rooms. Originally intended for a personal servant to always be on hand to attend the queen, it was the perfect place for one small wraith.

As a wraithling, he had always insisted his Sire leave his door wide open so he could hear him bustling around the quarters he shared with the queen. He was more than her consort. He was her Chosen One; her _con-stella_ . On rare occasions, he would hear his Mother-Queen enter her rooms to confer with his Sire. Nexus would squeeze his eyes shut tight to spy on them in his _stella-tenux_ , watching steadfast purple greeting ethereal green and all would be at peace in the galaxy. 

Thinking about his parents, he ran his fingers over the raised lines of his Naming Marks. Not even the white-hot burn of the branding tools could have eclipsed his pride on his Naming Day. He thought about his conversation with the doctor while tracing the ridged line under his right collarbone and around to the symbols on the back of his neck. 

_Two days ago..._

_“So, you got your First Name from your mother-queen then, son?” The healer’s face was alive with curiosity, his exhaustion wiped away for a moment._

_His interest was evident in his_ solis _too. The pink orb of his mind tended to shimmer when he was eager to know something. Nexus had nodded at the human and managed to suppress the smile that wanted to break out across his face. He secretly relished it when the doctor called him ‘son’._

_“Well, then,” the healer had continued. “As lovely as the name Nexus is, why don’t you tell me all about your First Name, eh?”_

_Nexus had frozen under the doctor’s earnest blue gaze. It had only taken a moment for the doctor to realise something was wrong. It was clear he thought that he had overstepped and offended the wraith. Nexus cursed his hesitation when he saw the disappointment on the doctor’s face._

_While it was certainly rare for a wraith to share his Name with a human, that was not what had given him reason to hesitate._

_He couldn’t... he just couldn’t do it.... he couldn’t bear to speak the Names of his Sire or Mother-Queen. It was too raw, too painful. And his Naming meant nothing without theirs..._

_But how could he explain this to the compassionate human who had kept a near-constant vigil at his bedside? How could he share anything without it coming out in a jumbled rush of flat spoken sounds that couldn’t possibly convey everything contained within them?_

_If he told the doctor that the True Name of his Mother-Queen was branded under his right collarbone, the human would hear the quivering of his voice._

_If he uttered the True Name of his Sire, forever etched under his left collarbone, the man would feel him tremble at the telling of it._

_And if he shared his own First Name, lovingly seared into the back of his neck,_ _the healer would witness the rare sight of a wraith’s tears._

_His was a powerful First Name but it was also a Name weighted down by memory and loss. He couldn’t explain all of this to a human. To anyone really. Wraith, after all, maybe never-ending, but there was never any time to give over to grief._

_He had swept his mind over the man’s pink_ solis _and was met with_ sorry-lad-sorry-son _. He could only look away from the healer then, shame and regret leaving him stripped bare. It would have to be enough just to know he was there._

While mired in the pain of his memories, it was also the first time he had sensed his Juno out there in the Nothing. He could not see her tiny white _solis_ but he could feel that familiar pulse of her mind. 

Since then, he had tried again and again to reach her. If even a trace of her anguish carried itself down their emaciated _filum_ , he would summon his _solis_ and scrabble his way toward her. But somehow she was never there when he reached the other end of their connection. He would leave gentle dreamings there for his Juno, not knowing if she ever collected them. Then he would gather his washed-out purple _solis_ and slide back to his lonely dark corner to wait. 

Just this last night, Nexus had dreamed of his Sire, curled around him, giving him comfort. The reason why was long forgotten but the security and devotion were forever ingrained in their bond. He had finally sensed Juno, his _stella-nix,_ drifting on the hazy edge of his memory and immediately offered it to her. He never got to find out if she entered his dreaming as his mind was abruptly pulled away by the banging of the infirmary door. _Infernal humans and their clumsiness!_

Weighed down by his own misery, he had turned to bellow at the intruder to find it was only his healer. The man’s _solis_ reached out to his own mind, its owner completely unaware. Nexus allowed himself to float for a moment in the buoyant pink paradise.

The quiet reprieve was all too brief as he soon found himself paralysed by nerves, watching his Commander and the Colonel. They were locked in a heated conversation in the viewing window above him, oblivious to the healer and patient below. 

He had sensed his Commander as soon as he had arrived back in Atlantis. The older wraith immediately reached out mentally for his officer only to reel back in surprise when Nexus had slammed his mental shields in place, refusing the connection. **_Shock_ ** and **_offense_ ** welled up against his shields before changing into **_hurt-nexus-why_ **and then pulling away. In truth, Nexus yearned for the touch of the wraith’s mind, to lose himself in the mental embrace of one so strong. But he couldn’t. He was not worthy.

Glancing back up to the window now revealed only the Colonel standing there alone. Nexus swept his mind along the hall outside his room but found nothing. _Was his earlier slight too bold that his treasured leader had decided to leave him here?_

Anxiety frayed his nerves, even when he noticed that a figure stood motionless in the doorway; a dark silhouette framed in gold morning light. There was no mistaking the powerful form of his leader.

“Nexusss,” he hissed softly as he glided into the room. 

Nexus watched him approach and stop when he reached the side of the bed. The younger wraith bowed his head as much as his reclined position would allow. “My lord.”

The ancient warrior stared down at Nexus. He felt as though the piercing golden glare of his superior bore into his very soul. The Commander was relentless, unwavering in his inspection. Naked without his coat or tunic, Nexus endured the pounding of his heart, waiting for his leader to commence with his discipline. 

“Ahem,” came a quiet cough from the forgotten healer. Nexus was briefly grateful for the interruption. He could see the human stand and collect himself before addressing the Commander. 

“Todd, there isn’t anything I can do now for young Nexus. He’s been through hell these last few days, yeh know.” The small man squared his shoulders and his eyes steeled over. “So don’t you go upsetting my patient, alright? He did us a great service and unless you’re here to help, well… then I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Nexus couldn’t believe the doctor was standing up for him like this. He had done nothing to deserve such protection and kindness from this man. He wanted to express his thanks but he knew better than to speak right at this moment.

“My thanksss, Doctorrr Beck-ett,” his Commander stated stiffly, inclining his head. “I am merely going to discuss a few things with Nexus and then see to his condition.”

“Right. Well, then. I’ll leave the two of you under the watchful eye of the Colonel.” The doctor shot the older wraith a warning look, gathered up his clipboard and disappeared through the door.

Once they were alone, the Commander leaned his strong frame on the edge of the bed, reached out his offhand and implored Nexus to take it. Nexus hesitated for a moment before laying his right wrist in that powerful hand, his fingers gripping his leader’s wrist. He reveled in the warmth of his Commander’s grasp and settled their joined hands in his lap. 

“My Nexusss,” his Commander purred, his stern features softening ever so slightly. 

“ _Teneo-vitalum_ ,” Nexus whispered. His Commander smiled at the title. Nexus looked down at their hands, his eyes tracking along the elaborate Mark gracing his Commander's inner forearm. He wondered if a wraith as old as this one had any space left to Mark.

“Why did you deny me when I first arrived, my young one?” Curious gold eyes gazed intently at Nexus.

Nexus felt the gentle nudge of his Commander’s _solis_ , appealing again for permission to join with his mind. The ancient wraith could have demanded entry or forced his way in, but he did not. It was not his way. For that, Nexus was struck by the immense affection he felt for such a merciful leader. 

Nexus cautiously opened his mind, frightened to expose everything, to reveal the truth. He felt the cool blue-white _solis_ seep over him, calming each doubt and soothing each fear.

**_you are frightened of me_** Nexus felt **_confusion_** and **_disappointment_** filter down their _film_.

_yes, my lord._ He tried to convey _apology-failure-hurt_.

**_tell me why_** **_obey-me-nexus_**

_you know this_ _confusion-hurt-fear_

“I wish to hear you say it, Nexusss,” his leader commanded. 

**_obey me nexus_ **

**_now_ **

“I am afraid… because of what I did,” he whispered softly. He hesitated. His Commander waited.

**_now, nexus. tell me now._** Nexus could smell the scent of his own guilt exuding from his pores.

_...._ The Commander’s grip intensified, nails jabbing his tender flesh.

_...._ Blue-white heat hissed _obey-speak-confess_.

“What I did to _stella-nix_. To my Juno.”

The Commander leaned in towards Nexus, their foreheads almost touching. “And what was that, young one?” 

Nails grated at his skin. Gold eyes searched out the truth. The icy blue _solis_ was ever pressing, pressing, pressing...

“I violated our _filum_. I tormented her _solis_ and I cannot mend all of the hurtings. She suffers.” 

Nexus cannot stop the tears that bring him further dishonour. He doesn’t even try. He grips on to his Commander’s arm with both hands now, collapsing forward from the weight of these crushing truths. He bows his head to rest against the elder wraith's sleeve. A firm hand falls on the back of his neck; an acknowledgement of his confession.

The young wraith delivers his mournful plea into soft leather that smells of hive.

“Help me.”


	5. Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd comforts Nexus in the aftermath of the attack. But there’s a reason why the Gift of Life is given only in the direst of circumstances, and only with the “most devout Worshippers and… brothers”...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yes. It's time for some Todd!
> 
> Author’s note: for those who haven’t read the previous story (‘5. The Attack’) or cannot recall all the details, here’s a quick refresher:  
> \- Rogue Genii took over a midnight meeting in the Atlantis conference room. Their leader wanted to kidnap Dr. McKay to get them access to an Ancient outpost, as well as Nexus to act as a target for the wraith weapon that they believe is hidden there.  
> \- During the attack, Nexus was shot four times (the first one by saving Mr. Woolsey) and almost bleeds out on the floor.  
> \- He finds Juno hiding under the table and uses his mental strength to convince her to attack the Genii leader. He also conveys his plan telepathically to both Sheppard and McKay. He manages to enter Juno’s mind and together they kill the leader, Turgenev. Sheppard then dispatches the other soldiers. 
> 
> Glossary  
> filum - the ‘thread’ that connects two minds together  
> alva-consors - hive-brother  
> Just Fortune - Todd’s flagship  
> proficisci ad somnus aeternum - “I journey to the eternal sleep”  
> Vinculum - like a filum, but much stronger. It develops once two wraith establish a brother-bond.  
> Vita-potentia - “life power” or the potential for life

The ancient wraith Commander would never admit to this out loud, but he has learned a thing or two from the humans over the years of their alliance. When he initially accepted his Naming from Sheppard - the expressionless monosyllable of ‘Todd’ - he meant only to appease the man and cease his incessant needling regarding his true designation. 

But each time he enters Atlantis and adopts his persona of _Todd,_ a wraith who permits the endless faults and whimsies of Earth humans, he feels oddly richer for it. 

Right now, for instance - he watches the distraught wraith officer before him, not as the disciplined taskmaster but as _Todd_. He maintains his grip on Nexus’ wrist and ponders his growing fondness for this young one who fails to hide his emotions behind a mask of indifference, as is customary for their kind. Todd resists his instinct to stamp out that affection, that perceived weakness that is the luxury of the humans. Instead, he lets it play across his features, appreciating how it puts Nexus at ease as he tells his tale. He gets far more detail and candid honesty this way. _Thank you, humans._

As _Todd,_ he listens intently while Nexus recounts the events of the attack from the rogue Genii faction, bursts of verbal explanation layered with vibrant images and raw emotion. His anger ignites brightly at the treatment of his officer by the insurgents and at the pain that had ripped through his young body and left him dying on the cold, hard floor. Fear blooms in his chest at the accompanying image of his youngest hivemate shielding Mr. Woolsey from gunfire without a thought for himself. 

Again, as _Todd,_ he is amazed by the surprising discovery of that one, pale mind signature hidden under the conference room table ( _juno-stellanix-mea_ ). The older wraith accepts the woman’s fear and he is impressed by her courage when she finally aids his officer _(again-anchor-guidingstar);_ for a second time, it seems. 

As the uncompromising High Commander he feels troubled as he hears about the efforts taken to regain control; how Nexus had to use his remaining strength to bolster the humans into taking action. They do not respond well to mind-speak. 

He also believes Nexus should have fed on a Genii by dragging one of the despicable soldiers under the table and ripping his life away. It would be easy to justify afterward as an effort to help defeat the intruders. Sheppard would point out the self-serving element, but he couldn’t very well claim to prefer the possibility of losing McKay or seeing his own people die. _But that is a conversation for another time._

Instead, as both _Todd_ and as _Commander,_ he finds himself swelling with pride hearing about how the unlikely duo _[ **my-nexus-your-juno ]** _disposed of the faction leader. He wonders when he should reveal the role he played in that violent end...

“Nexus… my Nexus. Your guilt over your _stella-nix_ is understandable; few humans can withstand such invasions into their _soli_.” He places a reassuring hand on his officer’s shoulder and smiles as Nexus leans into the touch. “But all is not lost, young one.”

“Commander?” The Ancient One’s heart nearly breaks at the look of desperate hope in those amber eyes. 

“I must heal you, Nexus,” he purrs, wiping away those traitorous tears. “Then we will find Juno, yes?”

_yes_ Thoughts tumble across their connection; _hope-thanks-master-hive_

“Good. But first.” The Commander reaches into his coat and withdraws something small and black, placing it on the blanket between them. Repaired and polished to a high shine, the Iratus bug gave off its incandescent green glow, reflected in the astonished eyes of the young wraith.

“My clasp!” 

But just when Todd thought he had lifted the officer’s spirits, his shoulders sagged in defeat. 

“My lord. I-- I cannot find its partner. It came off my coat some time ago and I kept it safe in my pocket. But I haven’t seen it since the-- since the--”

_attack_ He sees _blood-red-blood-black-everywhere-everywhere_ in the young wraith's mind.

 ** _no, officer_** He sends **_stop-youngone-stop_** to his Nexus.

 _stella-nix_ The reply; _greeneyes-cold-lifeless-myfault._

 ** _hush nexus_** He gently pushes **_peace-shhhhhhhh_**

“It will not be lost forever, Nexus. It has merely journeyed elsewhere for a time. When it is ready, it will return.” 

He reaches over Nexus’ head to retrieve the bed controls, making sure to keep a firm grip on the younger wraith’s wrist, while he raises the bed into a semi-reclined position. Nexus looks on in wonder at the familiarity his leader has with Lantean equipment.

“This is not my first time in a Lantean infirmary, young one,” he rumbles in amusement. 

Nexus shifts over, allowing his Commander to sit on the bed facing him. The younger wraith stays perfectly still as the elder wraith settles his feeding hand in the centre of his chest. His offhand still grips Nexus’ right wrist, holding him firmly in place. Nexus brings his own offhand to rest on his leader’s broad shoulder and both wraith lean forward until their foreheads are touching. 

Calm gold eyes briefly lock on to turbulent amber ones before Nexus shuts his eyes. Closing his own eyes the Commander enters the young wraith’s _stella-tenux_. He can only just make out the fading purple _solis_ in the darkness before him so he flares his own powerful blue-white mind until it illuminates their vision entirely. 

**_nexus_** He conveys **_peace-still-calm._**

 _commander_ Nexus laments with _hope-fear-notworthy-fail._

 ** _my nexus_** He calls **_hushnow-worthy-hive-noble-mine_** to his hivemate.

 _teneo-vitalum_ The Ancient One is again pleased with his given designation. 

_you are truly_

_he who holds_

_my life_

There is no _filum_ connecting their minds this time. There is only the invading blue-white of his old, powerful mind. He curves it around Nexus, around his weak purple haze, encompassing his entire being in the glow of **_hive-hive-hive-hive-hive_**.

The ghost of the hospital room shrinks away and Atlantis disappears until finally all they know is the mind of the other. It is only then that the Commander’s nails bite down into the young wraith’s skin and the feeding organ punctures his fragile chest. Somewhere out there in the dark comes a sharp gasp _[_ _ _nex_ us] _ and an answering purr **_[_** ** _ **co** mmander]_**. 

_The Commander_ refuses to let Nexus give in to the _fear-no-empty-stop_ that gnaws at his heart, while _Todd_ reassures that he will not harm him and to trust that this is the only way that Nexus can be saved. 

The wraith is too young to know the realities of the Gift when given in a situation such as this. To Nexus, it is an act of glory, forging two Wraith into brotherhood. But this is so unlike aiding a brother on the battlefield; wounds still fresh and barely healing. Todd had to travel so far to get here and this might cost Nexus dearly. 

Todd must risk extinguishing the last of the young wraith’s inner light in order to rebuild. Anything less would result in a half-life; a tormented mess of poorly knitted flesh, and a damaged mind. Wraith will not tolerate one so feeble in their ranks and Nexus deserves far better. The Commander will give him only the best in this Gifting.

It is dangerous, but the last drops of life must be drained completely first - Nexus must be an empty vessel to receive the Gift of his New Life. 

Todd can feel the pain that rattles in rebellion as Nexus’ broken body tries to save those last traces of his Life, but Todd takes it all. The last of his Life carves a bitter path as it moves from junior wraith to senior. Once it is done, he is surrounded by the dusty scent of his officer’s almost entirely desiccated body. 

To truly heal Nexus, he must start again. 

At that, the mind of the young wraith begins falling back, back, back. The endless sleep beckons to the young one with a barren hand and Nexus takes hold, clinging on to it for dear life.

Far above them in the observation room, someone beats their futile fists against the reinforced glass of the observation window. Todd cannot explain it, but he somehow feels the heat of the Colonel’s _solis_ charging down their neglected brother-bond; _red-hot-stop-wait-no-Todd-_ **_no-No-NO_ **

Realising that he cannot afford to have Sheppard and his guards come storming in at a crucial moment, Todd extends his mental reach and eases the guards into a state of semi-consciousness - docile and secure in the hall outside.

The ancient wraith also sends a whisper of invitation to the Colonel to join with him. As predicted, the man resists the mind-link until, to Todd’s absolute shock, he senses Nexus pulsing gentle thoughts to the Colonel through a weak filament of their own.

_be at peace john sheppard_

The Colonel freezes at the window, mired in disbelief, torn between revulsion at yet another link and his compulsion to protect Nexus. Todd uses this moment to support Sheppard’s mind with his own. He tries to comfort the man **_[sorry-sheppard-trust]_ **and feels the human’s mind cautiously lean in against his own. 

Todd recognises that Sheppard does this not for him, but for Nexus. He holds them all there - his blue-white mind cradling Sheppard’s red warmth and brushing against the faded purple of Nexus, all the while extending his hold on the guards outside and remaining ever-vigilant of the minds within the wider city.

Todd cannot resist relishing the mental touch of his human ally. While he takes a minute to revel in the heady mix of **_brother-sheppard-john-hive-mine_** , Sheppard’s mind fixates on the words coming from the young officer. 

_goodbye john sheppard_

_goodbye john_

_goodbye_

Sheppard’s mind begins to panic and claw and scrabble at Todd’s _solis_ despite his attempts at reassurance. 

**_hush, sheppard, all is well._ **

Nexus turns his mind to his distracted Commander. The ancient wraith senses the young one is taking his last breaths. Their communication comes hard and fast as Nexus clearly believes that this is his true end--

_goodbye commander_

**_nexus--_ **

_goodbye teneo-vitalum_

**_NEXUS---_ **

_proficisci ad_ _somnus aeternum*_

**_prohibere._ **

**_stop._ **

_goodbye_

**_NO!_ **

But Sheppard picks this instant to flood the elder wraith’s mind with his confusion and frantic demand for an explanation. He has to fight to ignore the human and regain his focus.

**_not yet, my nexus, not yet_** Todd sends _trust_ and _believe_ down their _filum_.

He can feel it as Nexus fades away, but Todd’s mind is drowning in the Colonel’s undisciplined frenzy of thought. He is forced to lift Sheppard’s mind up and away from his own, propelling him out along their connection. He loosens his grip on the minds of the guards and reduces his peripheral awareness right down.

**_nexus!_** **_trustme-nexus_**

_…_

_…_

**_come back!_** **_believeme-please_**

Still. Cold. Nothing.

…

…

For the first time in millennia, Todd’s control wavers and the purple _solis_ of his young officer slips from the pull of his mind. There is only darkness ahead of him where the young wraith should be.

“No! No, Nexus! Forgive me.” Todd feels Sheppard’s mind writhe with guilt at the end of their link.

**_no sheppard. the fault lies with me._ **

But the stubborn Colonel is refusing to accept Todd’s admission. His _solis_ is a warning in red, building with an intensity of emotion the human would never exhibit on the outside. Todd’s mind gapes at Sheppard’s growing authority;

_[red-anger-fight-protect-save---_

_no-man-left-behind_

_save---nexus_

**_go---todd---go----GO-NOW!_ ** _]_

The force of the order comes storming at him from the Colonel and the ancient wraith welcomes its explosive ferocity to remind him that right now he cannot afford to be _Todd_. The Colonel’s command snaps him back into; 

**_high commander_ **

**_ancient one_ **

**_He-Who-Endures_ **

He fixates his mind on where he last saw the dimming essence of that dying purple _solis_. Everywhere is dark around him as he sends his mind barrelling toward the remnants of the younger wraith but he can’t even sense an echo of Nexus anywhere. 

**_nexus!_ **

Conjuring the power massed over thousands of years, the Commander tries once again to summon his young officer. Blue-white fury builds and roils, his every cry a clap of thunder striking out through the void.

**_NEXUS!_ **

**_..._ **

**_NEXUS!_ **

**_…_ **

**_NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS! NEXUS!_ **

All over Atlantis, the humans go about their lives, unaware of the phrenic shockwave rolling out from the Commander’s raging mind. Very few notice the event, affected only deep within the recesses of their subconscious. There are those few for whom the disturbance registers closer to the surface--

The Colonel _[red-command-protect-save]_ rails against Todd’s iron hold, his mind screaming his obligation to help Nexus. **_S_** ** _ **he** ppard. John. _ ** ****

The Expedition Leader _[grey-hush-numb-nothing]_ who stalls for a moment, coffee cup partway to his mouth. **_Mister Woolsey_ **

The Scientist _[orange-panic-problem-help]_ who stutters mid-rant before continuing on to eviscerate his staff. **_Doctor McKay_**

The Athosian queen _[green-aware-concern]_ who attempts to lock on to his _solis_ as he races by _,_ reeling in his wake. **_Steelflower_**

On and on his _solis_ widens, coming apart with fear, searching desperately for that one elusive mind. As he blankets the city with his awareness, he senses every human mind blinking in semi-recognition as he passes by. This is a mind they know from his countless visits to the city, but they do not have the capability to fathom his _solis._ Humans just cannot--

Wait. A tiny spark flares in the periphery of his mind. _Is this….? Could it be…?_ He recognises her mind-signature. Is it she.

**_stella-nix!_** He cannot help but roar at her across the coal-black chasm.

_n...x...s?_

In his desperation he fires a _filum_ directly at her _solis_ , nearly punching straight through and then coiling her up tight. Now he truly feels her mind; _fear-help-no-who_ and _notnexus-notnexus_ so he loosens his hold and lowers his cries. The formidable wraith is not surprised to sense her fear, but what comes as a surprising revelation is that it is not fear _of him_ , but fear _for Nexus_. 

**_stella-nix. help me._ **

**_help me find my nexus._** He streams **_hive-calm-safe-commander_** down their link.

_todd..._ ? _notnexus-notnexus_

_what have you done?_

**_it was the only way_ **

**_help me_ **

**_please_ **

**_before all is lost_ **

_..._

And to his utter shock, _she_ begins to pull at _his_ mind, directing him through the black void, following down the length of her own tenuous connection to Nexus. 

Onward and faster and further, their _filum_ sweeps through the Nothing until he finally feels it snare something, collect something, something that balances precariously on their gossamer thread. But there is nothing there that he can see…

**_what is this?_ **

_nexus._

**_where is he?_ **

_here._

**_i see no solis. he is not here._ **

_yes. shhhhh._

He reigns in his growing panic with the realisation that this human cannot _look_ at the missing _solis_. He stops trying to _see_ Nexus but _feel_ him instead. He still cannot _see_ the weakened purple mind of his young officer against the blackness of the Nothing. But now he can _feel_ him. He can feel the weight of a featherlight _solis_ caught in their _filum_. He can feel it waiting for _darkness_ and _nothing_ and _sleep_. 

Gently, oh so gently, he reels both of them in, the tenuous lifeline carrying his young soldier back to him, and _stella-nix_ trailing behind. The glow of his mind illuminates the waning purple as it nears him, and the human’s pale star hovers right behind. Carefully, afraid he could crush what remains, he wraps his mind around that of his hivemate.

To reunite his own mind and body, he hesitantly releases his hold on the purple _solis_ , fearing the potential loss of his Nexus all over again. But then _stella-nix_ is there, winking softly in the dark, somehow holding him in place. 

Wasting no more time, he returns to his body and gathers his own Lifeforce, the power of his own _vita-potentia,_ to initiate the Gifting. He follows this with the Life taken from his masked drones and pushes it down, down, down, pressing so that it courses through his frame and along his arm, passing it to the lifeless body held beneath his palm. 

He can feel each individual cell as they begin to fire, struggling against even such a short time spent lying dormant. He senses the pinching and twisting of dead muscles, the surging of new blood, the knitting of flesh. 

And then.

Nexus convulses beneath his hand - his head thrown back, mouth erupting in the most painful howl of agony. It is truly the sweetest sound to grace the Ancient One’s ears in centuries. The Commander wraps his left arm around Nexus and crushes him to his own body. Now it is his turn to fight against his own tears.

He pants with exertion as he pumps wave after wave of Life into the writhing body, feeling the essence of each drone he drained as they exit his hand. 

And still he Gifts, not caring that he is using his own energy now, or that he is coming dangerously close to exhausting his own Life. Hunger bursts forth and gnaws at him but his frenzied mind roars at it until it yields and slinks back down to its lurking-place. 

His strength waning, he withdraws his awareness from everyone; from the constant mutterings of the Lanteans and from Juno _[palewhite-relief-sweet-nexus-calm-peace]_. He even retreats softly from the Colonel’s mind _[red-blaze-heat-protect-warm-safe]..._

...until there is only one steadily brightening purple _solis._

When finally the Gifting is complete, the elder wraith concludes with the act of Binding. He sends a psychic pulse of offering down the thread that tethers them to one another. The pulse holds the memory of his _First Knowing of Nexus_ \- the day he came to join his hive. 

Then the Commander searches the radiant purple _solis_ until he finds and takes the young wraith’s _First Knowing of the High Commander_ , settling it deep within his own mind. 

And now, where there was once a _filum_ stretched between their _soli,_ there is now a brilliant glowing **_vinculum_** , a solid white ligament that anchors them together, unlocking their minds to one another and securing their bond.

It is through this new brother-bond that the ancient wraith wills the _solis_ of his Nexus to finally come back into himself and to return to _him_.

**_officer_** The ancient wraith knows Nexus is now so much more than this.

_my lord_

**_alva-consors_ **

**_my brother_** Once simply the son of his past-hivemate. Now he is a brother.

_alva-consors_

_my brother_

**_nexus_ **

“My Nexus. Mine,” he whispers. He lays his mind open; no shields, no hidden places, no holding back.

He waits.

He prompts.

And then Nexus understands. “You are… Guide?”

He is pleased.

**********************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned folks: up next is the POV of Nexus on what it's like to receive the Gift of Life from our dear friend, and favourite character, Todd.


	6. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moments before and during the Gift of Life from Todd, and their bond afterward as brothers, as told by Nexus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was delayed by a day in the hope of doing some final tweaks to get it right. I wanted to show what the Gift of Life is like for Nexus - how it is so much more than he could have understood before. 
> 
> And then the formatting went all weird. Why were there suddenly odd spaces before all of the punctuation? What happened to all of the painful aligning of the mind-speak and memory? Gah! All fixed now, I think.
> 
> Another thank you to Bagheerita for a super quick beta so I could post this part of the story. 
> 
> It's all fluffy all the time from here folks!

_Before the Gifting…_

Nexus is lost. 

He is floating in the Nothing, overwhelmed with grief over everything he has left behind. It is too soon to let go of life but the pull into the _somnus aeternum,_ the Eternal Sleep, is too strong. 

Nexus waits. 

He has imagined this place many times, especially since the loss of his Sire. _But where is his father? Why does he not come?_ He tries to probe the darkness but his _solis_ is just so tired. 

Nexus is afraid.

His Commander drained him of his Life. He said that this was the only way. But this cannot be the Eternal Sleep. There is no rest for him in this place. _Where am I?_

There is a faint pulse tugging at his mind. _How?_ In the void, he can see the wisp of a _filum_ , an umbilicus to his _Life that Came Before_. Before the Sleep. 

Someone is coming. Someone is coming for him. To bring him back…

Before he can make out the shape of the _solis_ that comes, he feels his own mind as it is snared by the thin thread. He senses the magnetic attraction of age and power as he is hauled inwards. His mind lurches to and fro, the sensation both hypnotic and nauseating. 

Blue-white light explodes all around him, blinding his mind’s eye, sending him scurrying away. He lurches backward only to come into contact with a cool, pale pulse that gently prods him forwards again. 

_stella-nix?_ But all is silent. He does not dare to hope.

He hesitantly settles himself against the blazing _solis_ of his Commander, sinking into his soothing mental embrace.

All he wants is to rest there forever. 

He stills his weary mind, only to feel the immediate assault of the Gift of Life flash through his entire being. His body is on fire with the blaze of life force, and it is far too close to the searing burn of hunger. Every cell ignites, every bone is mere kindling as the agonising heat builds. 

Surely he cannot survive this. 

_commander!_

_my lord! STOP!_ But his Commander cannot hear. Or does not listen.

Just as he feels as though his very nerves are being cauterized, the fever abates just a little. He finds himself melting into a scorching euphoria that he can barely fathom. Wave after wave of smoldering Life sends his body into endless rolling bliss. 

In the delirium of the Gift, he envisions his elation spreading out around him, sweeping everyone away in his moment of rapture;

_[orange-chaos-crescendo]_

_[ret-heat-pulse-pant]_

_[green-mantra-transcend]_

_[palewhite-heal-surrender]_

**_[bluewhite-life-gift-hive]_ **

Nexus detects the shift from the Life of simple drones to that of his Commander’s own _vita-potentia_. Suddenly the ancient wraith is _everywhere_ around him. He feels him in every pore, every fibre, and every nerve-ending comes alive with the other wraith. His fervor builds, his body convulsed and then all he knows is infinite elation. Air rushes into his lungs which he expels in one long, exhilarated howl of rapture. 

And Nexus never ever wants to come down from this sublime place where he is entwined in his elder’s Life. 

************

_After the Gifting..._

Slowly, lazily Nexus returns to himself, uniting his body and _solis_. He feels uniquely tuned in to his lord’s physical rhythm; his heartbeat, his breathing, his thoughts. Within his _stella-tenux_ he sees the **_vinculum_** between them, much stronger than a mere _filum_ , that allows this deep consonance between their minds. 

He watches, transfixed, as twin pulses of memory are exchanged; one purple, one blue-white. It is their First Knowings, and Nexus understands that they are now bound as hive-brothers. 

**_officer_ **

_my lord_ Nexus is filled with the radiance of this moment.

**_alva-consors_ **

**_my brother_ **

_alva-consors_

_my brother_ He has waited for so long to be named _brother_.

**_nexus?_ **

Nexus is bombarded by flashes of cobalt memories and fleeting sapphire impressions of the life of this Ancient wraith. The burden of time weighs heavily in their bond; it is an indigo montage of battles, flights, life, and death.

**_nexus?_ **

_…_ This is too much. His vision darkens from navy to midnight.

… How can he make sense of it all? But then...

… ...his shadowed mind parts to reveal an ivory-white dawn...

...he sees impressions of the stars and feels paths being mapped out amongst them. He senses the pull of a charismatic mind drawing every hivemate along on a perilous journey. He feels an inescapable drive to command and to lead and...

...and all at once, he understands what he is being shown. 

“You are… Guide?”

And Guide is pleased. 

Nexus is finally home.

****************

The two wraith sit, locked in the embrace of brotherhood, foreheads touching and minds closed to the world around them. All that exists is this moment in time; the Gifting of Life and the Binding of their Brother-bond. The Ancient wraith exalts in their progression from Commander and Officer to Guide and Nexus.

He muses to himself that, as the _High Commander_ of a dozen hives, he must be unyielding and disciplined, and this makes him greatly respected by all. But this comes at a price; the inevitable distancing of himself from his subordinates and the endless fight to remain in charge.

As _Todd_ , he enjoys the uneasy interaction with the amusing humans, who seem to be all bluster and threat but always shy away from ever following through. Being _Todd_ allows him access to Atlantis and opportunities to indulge his hidden fascination with these people, but he must never let his fellow wraith know of his growing regard for the Lanteans.

Above all else, nothing compares to sinking into his true self;  _ One-Who-Guides _ . Known by so many names over the millennia, it was his first queen who bestowed a moniker upon him. Only a young blade himself at the time, his thirst for knowledge and new challenges got him into a fair amount of trouble, but allowed him to lead the hive out of danger during the Lantean war. Formally, his Queen had designated him as  _ He-Who-Illuminates-the-Wildest-Path _ , which was part an admonishment for his roguish behaviour and part an honourable title for his achievement. When he vexed her, she would tease him with  _ erratus-mea _ , or her  _ Wild One _ .

As he rose in rank and moved through hives, this name had grown with him, giving him many variations of this title;  _ Pathfinder _ ,  _ Star-bearer _ , and  _ The One Who Leads by the Stars _ . Within his old alliance, his queen eventually took to referring to him as their  _ Guiding-light  _ or simply, _ Guide _ .

It was _Guide_ who flew to the side of his young wraith officer, desperate to heal him and bring him home. It is Guide who holds on tightly to the young one, giving him comfort and listening to his confessions. Guide will always fight for his brothers; fearsome and unparalleled in combat. And Guide is not afraid to shield his brothers with their bond.

Guide relives every moment that Nexus has spent in Atlantis. He watches the memories of the young one as he faltered along at the beginning, and observes as his understanding of these strange Earth humans slowly changed him. He bristles at the picture from the first days of his posting of the young wraith surrounded by hostile soldiers, but then he is quickly soothed by the arrival of Sheppard and McKay. He sends a respectful pulse of gratitude to Teyla _[steelflower. queen]_ for tethering the young one’s mind between herself and Juno _[stella-nix mea. mine]_ , all four humans sheltering Nexus between them.

He rages at the violent images of the attack by the rogue Genii, caging his fury to keep it from his young brother.

He takes a deep breath, straightening up and pulling away. It is time.

“Nexus. I must share something with you,” he breathes gently, wisps of the young one’s hair rising and falling. “During the attack, when you suffered most, I heard your voice.”

“Brother?” comes the soft question, and Nexus’ tightens the hold on his wrist.

“I felt your scream of pain, your call to arms,” he explained. “And I was with you, Nexus.”

Their _vinculum_ alights with a blue-white bolt of _need-want-rescue-aid-help_ and Nexus can see a memory form and pass from his brother’s mind to his own.

_Three days ago during the Genii attack…_

_The Commander stands on the bridge of their hive, the_ Just Fortune _. He is frozen at the helm of the hive, his blue-white_ solis _lurching forward from his body. The Ancient One’s powerful mind hurtles through space, leaving his body far behind. Faster and faster the_ solis _flies along until he finally reaches Atlantis. His mind surges into the body of the young wraith crouched on the floor of the conference room; Nexus-of-the-past._

“It cannot be…” Nexus mutters in disbelief. He cannot look away.

_The raw power of the ancient blue-white mind joins with the fading purple_ solis _of the young officer. His_ stella-tenux _explodes around them both to reveal that their_ soli _have somehow flared out into a bright blue-purple net that ensnares the human minds and drags the action around them to a shuddering halt._

Nexus watches himself within the memory. His past self just stares at the humans around him, all frozen in the act of taking back control. 

_In the darkness of the memory, he can see not only their_ soli _but also the ghostly phantoms of the humans. He can see that a transparent Dr. McKay has managed to drag an ashen Mr. Woolsey behind the other end of the table, encircling them both with the protective orange satellites of his_ solis _. He observes the inflamed red figure of Sheppard kneeling behind the upturned table, arm resting on the edge about to fire the gun on the lone Genii guard whose spectre is suspended in mid-flight..._

“This is how I stopped the humans? With you?”

“Yesssss, Nexussss.”

And then Nexus is bewitched once more by the sight of his Juno and her cloud of _solis_ stars. He can only look on in remembered misery at the suspended scene before him:

_Juno is frozen in place on Turgenev’s lap, left hand gripping his collar and her gold pen jammed mercilessly into his neck. The rogue Genii leader is reaching for her throat, intent on ending her life._

_The Nexus-of-the-past hauls at the remaining strength from within his strangely blue-purple_ soli-- 

“Not strange! That was… you.” Nexus gazes into those knowing golden eyes.

Guide only nods his head, content for Nexus _understand_ and to _know_ these things, and lets the memory continue.

_With a rattling groan, Nexus-of-the-past ignites his mental connection to Juno. He conjures wild blue and purple sparks that race down their_ film _towards her, building in light and intensity and bursting on impact with her pale-white_ solis. _He is desperate for the two of them to fight back against her attacker--_

_it is him or you, Juno._

_it hurts, nexus..._

_together, Juno._

_together. please?_

_together? yes…_

_...and somehow her pale starry_ solis _wrenches at his mind, dragging him forward, as he feels a violent mental thrust raging from behind._

“You carried me, delivered me to my Juno... You helped us…” Nexus cannot fathom how this is even possible.

_For just one moment, one breath, Nexus-of-the-past sees with Juno’s eyes instead of his own, and Turgenev’s fingers seem to tighten around his throat too. He casts his own hand down within Juno’s arm, fingers reaching for the golden pen..._

_JUNO!_

_WE MUST END HIM..._

**_NOW_** _!_

 _Juno screams out a savage cry just as her_ solis _screeches with the ferocity of their combined wrath; pale stars and purple orb, blue-white light everywhere._

_Together, with one brutal yank, they rip the weapon from the man’s throat. They watch with one mind as a geyser of blood erupts from the Genii leader’s gaping wound, spattering Juno’s face. The sheer force of the young wraith’s revulsion sends him flinging back into his own body, lying behind the overturned conference room table._

“ _Stella-nix_ ,” he moans miserably. 

“Soon, Nexus,” he murmurs in reply. “Watch, brother.”

_The Commander’s_ solis _is thrown beyond the body of Nexus-of-the-past, shooting back through time and space._

 _But this time it is clear that the blue-white_ solis _has been weakened and it is slowing right down. His mind is not going to make it all the way back to his body._

In the safety of the hospital room, Nexus feels the ancient mind’s acceptance of this fate. _Guide-of-the-past_ had been pleased that his final act could protect his young brother. Nexus shakes his head in disbelief.

_As the_ solis _nears the farthest reach of its journey, giving in to the warring feelings of peace and despair, a serpentine noxious-green tendril appears from the darkness of space. The snaking_ filum _ensnares the Commander’s mind and whips him through dead space at an astonishing speed._

_Slamming back into his body, the Commander stills his chaotic mind as he wrestles his laboured breathing under control. He opens his eyes to the sight of the enraged form of his Second-in-Command, talons digging into his shoulders and forehead pressing in against his own._

Nexus has never seen such unbridled fury and attempts cower away from the memory...

_...but nothing can mask the sound of the voice of the Second hissing, “release him, little Iratussss!”_

And finally, finally, the memory goes mercifully dark.

Nexus loses grip on his Commander’s wrist, mortified at his pitiful mewling but unable to stop. Eyes shut against the world, he nearly cries out in panic when he feels his brother move away. But it is only for a fraction of time; Guide repositions himself alongside the younger wraith, leaning on the raised head of the bed. 

Now shoulder to shoulder, Nexus concentrates on Guide’s soothing purr that works to calm his distress until he is able to open his eyes. He shies away from the glare of fluorescent lights and he notices the tiny black-green ornament lying forgotten on his lap. He scoops it up and holds it cradled in both hands, secure in the presence of his brother. 

“The Second,” he stutters. “He- he will not allow me back… not after what I did.”

“You did nothing other than summoning your brother when you had need of him,” rumbles the commanding voice from just behind him. “It is I who chose to respond to your call, young one. Do not forget - the Second answers to me. You need not fear him.”

Nexus still has his doubts but stays silent and just adds them to the rest of his compounding guilt.

“Brother,” Guide turns his head to look at Nexus, speaking softly into his ear. “You must not blame yourself for these things. The strength of your _solis_ is a gift I have not seen in millennia. It is one that was borne from a legacy without equal.”

“But still!” Nexus blurts out, ignoring the revelations from his elder. “I should not have asked that of Juno. I should have protected her, not compelled her to kill that human.” 

Once again, Guide sends the image of his blue-white _solis_ entangled with the younger wraith’s purple one. Their combined _soli_ vibrate with breathtaking levels of energy. 

“This is why your Juno suffered, brother,” Guide insists. “The fault lies with us both.”

*************

There is a brooding pause as this revelation sinks in. 

“Both?” Nexus asks, wanting desperately to believe that he was not alone in making such a terrible mistake. 

“Nexus,” Guide sighs. He lays his offhand between them, palm up in with an invitation. Nexus lays the back of his feeding hand down upon it and together they hold the clasp. The brotherly gesture is meant to offset what he is about to share. “Your Mother-Queen hails from a great line of _sentio-forum_ ; wraith with mental gifts much like yours. Like all queens, she was always meant to mate with those who represented the best of the various family lines within our clan, bearing many offspring that would keep the hive strong. But she met your Sire when she was still young… and then refused the company of all others.”

Nexus’ confusion bleeds into their connection. Queens were rare now among the wraith and, as such, were expected to mate with a variety of suitors, so as to generate greater diversity within the clan. To remain loyal to only one Mate is unheard of... 

“Mmmm,” Guide murmurs in agreement, lacing his fingertips between the young wraith’s and glancing at the Queen's tattoo on his chest. “There was once a time when their devotion would have become something of legend, revered by wraith throughout the galaxy as the epitome of all pairings. But that time has long passed, young brother. Now our queens are too few, and time between their breeding cycles gets ever longer.”

This causes great trouble for his elder, Nexus realises. He can’t help but wonder how many wraithlings Guide has sired over the years. A rumble of laughter elicits embarrassment from the young officer. 

“The lineage of your Sire was unknown,” Guide continues, ignoring the musings of the younger wraith, his eyes taking in the branded Mark of Nexus’ father. “But it was plain to all in your hive that he was a greatly skilled _eres-doctrina_ ; he was a Hive-Master unlike any other. The way he could blanket every brother with his mind, shielding them all from the Nothing outside, from any incursions, any pains…”

The elder wraith is lost for a moment in his memories of Solaxis. He reminisces over the tall, slender wraith - a cleverman, as befitting the role of Hive Master - placid in nature but one who held the hive to his exacting standards. He was intensely protective over the minds in his care, rather like-- 

**_you, my nexus_ **

The young wraith flushes with pride. Another image emerges; a dark-haired queen with amber eyes, prominent cheekbones--

**_and so much like your mother-queen_ **

Nexus is suddenly aware of how much his likeness to his parents pains Guide. There is a depth of emotion dwelling there that he believes is not meant to be seen by him. The young wraith shifts his mind away from the wistful images of his Sire and Dam, drawing the elder wraith back to the present. 

“And you, Nexus, are their only offspring.” Guide rumbles and the younger wraith leans more heavily against his side “Both Firstborn and Last - inheritor of traits from both sides. Residing in you is their legacy; both their talents and… their weakness.”

Nexus is affronted by the notion that his Sire and Mother-Queen harboured any weakness. Perhaps his Mother-Queen, and only right at the end, but--

\--he shuts off that thought, clamping down on his anguish. He is not weak like she was at the end. And his Sire was not weak at all. Ever. He was beloved by all wraith who knew him. He was--

“Enough, Nexus.” Guide silences the rising tide of anger by brushing his cool _s _oli_ s _against the hot purple surface of his brother’s mind. “I am afraid you do share their greatest weakness…”

The elder wraith evokes a series of images; Nexus wrapped tightly around a woman as he rocks them both back and forth and chants her name under his breath. Another; a mind of tiny stars calling across the darkness and the responding pulse from a lost purple _solis_. And another; a pale star tethered and leading him away from those soldiers who sought to shame him.

“ _Stella-nix_?” he hisses, still failing to understand.

Guide senses that it is time to abandon their discussion for the time being. “It is time to find her, brother.”

Together and with eyes closed, their _soli_ drift in tandem, slowly moving out and away from their safe cocoon in the isolation room. Nexus leads his Commander through the labyrinth of halls that make up his mind’s blueprint of the city of Atlantis. Nexus savors Guide’s approval at the expansion of his _stella-tenux_. 

The minds of the Lanteans hover all around them but they don’t need to look far for his Juno. She is seated in her favourite alcove in the Archive Room, the place where they first met. She had retreated here after seeing Nexus safely returned to the one she knows as Todd. The archivist is trying in vain to concentrate on updating her research report to include what they learned from the Genii attack. 

Nexus hesitates for a moment, content to watch her star _solis_ wax and wane in front of him... 

...until she notices that they’re observing her and _afraid_ and _curious_ go to war within her mind. 

_stella-nix_

_nexus_

_i am here_

_here with my commander_

_my brother_

_todd. no… guide?_

_he is guide._ Juno doesn't understand how she knows this.

**_i am guide_** She startles at Guide’s intrusion into their link.

**_you know this_ **

**_because_ **

**_nexus knows this_ **

_i don’t understand_

_nor do i, stella-nix_ Juno is human. How could she know what he knows?

To her credit, Juno doesn’t attempt to flee or resist their minds. They would not try to stop her, but Nexus is proud that she stays, that she waits and wonders. He calls to her mind again--

_stella-nix..._

\--and suddenly he doesn’t know what to say. He’s unexpectedly nervous to confront Juno and oddly bashful under the scrutiny of his elder and brother. Neither of them tries to aid him; his _stella-nix_ just waits expectantly while Guide sends his amusement rolling across their bond.

_…_

_i am sorry_

_juno. my Juno_

_stella-nix mea_ He sends her _yearning_ and _please_ and _sorry_.

…

Juno hesitates, contemplating his apology. Her mind lights up with violent images _[red-blood-black-blood-darkness-pain-nexus]_ that drive into Nexus and force him back. 

**_Please. you must_**

**_forgive my nexus--_ **

_your_ _nexus?_ A stern bolt of _mine_ takes both wraith and human by surprise. 

**_yes,_** ** _my_** ** _nexus_** Nexus can feel the building possessiveness of his Commander.

**_my_ ** **_brother._ **

**_hive._ ** **_mine_ **

_maybe..._

_but he is my…_ Nexus does not want to anger his brother but… he hopes.

…

 _my_ …

_my stella-Nex_

_my friend_ She thinks that he is more but cannot put it into words.

Juno is growing in confidence with each thought. Her pale star is pulsing a little brighter, wanting to move closer to the young wraith’s purple _solis_. 

_nexus is…_

_team… and_

_family…_ And she shows _acceptance_ and _kindred_ and _mine_.

_and…_

_hive._ Their shock at her claim only serves to fuel her assertion.

_nexus is hive._

_mine_

Guide considers this obstinate woman who tries to claim his brother as her own, as a part of _her_ hive. She is a mere human but he has seen this stubborn determination before. His mind skitters over to thoughts of red warmth, flashing hazel eyes, and dark, unruly hair. 

This is the pale star who guided his Nexus out of trouble not once, but twice. She somehow possesses the only mind-link that could help _him_ , an elder wraith of many millennia, to find the lost mind of his brother. He makes his decision.

**_come doctor juno_ ** **_ashburn_ **

**_come stella-nix,_ **

**_friend of my nexus_ **

**_…_** Juno’s _solis_ sparks, preparing to interrupt.

**_of..._ **

**_our_ ** **_nexus_ **

**_..._ **

**_i welcome you as hive_ **

They wait and watch as her mind works furiously to appreciate this declaration, to try to understand the ramifications of acceptance.

_please, stella-nix mea_ He hopes. Oh, how he hopes.

The blue-white _solis_ nudges at purple to return to the isolation room, to where the wraith are sitting together on the hospital bed. It is not an invitation he makes lightly, and he wants to leave Juno to think it over.

She doesn’t answer Guide’s summons but Nexus can feel the very moment when her decision is made. They can both see it in his _stella-tenux_ when her pale star _solis_ flickers and begins to multiply. It divides again and again in that enchanting mitosis that echoes through his mindscape. Guide only looks on in wonder as the cluster of tiny stars continues to grow as she makes her way from the archives to the infirmary. 

Nexus smiles; he can’t hide his elation, his relief. 

Even so, he isn’t ready yet to open his eyes and leave his _stella-tenux_. He leans his head back into his pillow and watches in his mind as she gets ever closer, his hands fiddling nervously with the Iratus clasp in his lap.

“My Juno, she comes.”

“Yes, brother. Your Juno.” Guide smiles and sends him _calm_ and _peace_ and _brother_ and _hive_. 

“Yes, hive. My _stella-nix_ ,” Nexus whispers.

Guide hums his agreement. “She is hive.”

********************


	7. Nexus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nexus enjoys some time with Todd, his bonded brother, and gets used to calling him Guide. Juno arrives and brings a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little longer to finish - the characters just had a lot of comforting to do and it was just too gorgeous to try to hold them back, so... *grins*
> 
> * The excerpt in italics is taken from the first story in this series: “1. The Commander - a Todd story”. Nexus wanted to share his impression of the Commander on the throne with Todd. :)
> 
> Author’s note:  
> All wraith can feel the minds of fellow wraith and humans. Nexus can also ‘see’ all other minds around him when he closes his eyes. He calls this map of minds his ‘stella-tenux’. One mind is called a solis while more than one are referred to as soli.

As he waited for his Juno to join them, he marveled at how much things had changed since he had received the Gift of Life.

_commander_ He conveyed _content_ and _calm_ along their bond.

**_alva-consors,_ **

**_my nexus_ **

Of course. Not longer just his Commander. Now, his _alva-consors_. His brother. 

_alva-consors_

_brother_

_guide_ He crowded Guide’s mind with _hive-hive-hive-hive._

Elation filled him as the realisation sunk in. He was finally worthy of referring to his leader as ‘brother’ and using his Hive Name. All of his work, his struggles to be recognised amongst his peers, to stand out from the rest... the aching loneliness while trapped in his post in Atlantis and the terror of facing his first human foes... his battle with the excruciating burn of starvation and agony of wounds that would not heal...

...it had all come to this.

Nexus lay in his hospital bed, perfectly content - his arm pressed comfortably against the leather of his brother's coat and together they held the repaired clasp. He wanted very much to rest his head on the shoulder of the taller wraith, but knew that, in sitting side by side on the hospital bed, his Commander was already pushing his own limits of comfort. Wraith rarely displayed their fondness for their brothers in front of humans, even those who they considered allies.

This reminded him that he was lacking a shirt, but he didn’t want to move for the moment. Instead, he inhaled the heady scent of the older wraith's jacket, shrouding himself in the welcome feeling of _hive_. Where he was once too timid, he now openly studied his brother's profile; he had a new appreciation for the Commander's mark encircling his eye, thinking of his elder's skill at navigating his hives into the future. He was still fascinated by the wild mane of the wraith’s hair. It was such an obvious statement of confidence about breaking the rules.

Safe in the cocoon of his brother’s _solis_ , eyes firmly shut, he admired the **_vinculum_** that bound their minds. Within the darkness of his _stella-tenux_ , he could see the bone-white ligament that joined his mind to the blue-white phosphorescence of his leader. No more tentative requests for acknowledgment, now he had the constant hum of the greater mind as it vibrated in time with his own. 

But now he could also see the many _filum_ that branch off the ancient mind; hundreds, thousands of threads - too many to even fathom. 

“Brother,” he started, nervously. “How is it that you are able to… untether yourself from the hivemind?”

Nexus met Guide’s confusion with an image from many weeks ago when a young officer had been sent to bid his Commander come to the Bridge: 

_The Commander sat frozen in the throne, staring out at nothing. If it wasn’t for the slow, repetitive clenching and uncurling of his feeding hand, one could mistake him for a statue. The rhythmic flexing of his hand seemed to synch perfectly with the pulsing of the hive. He had been that way for some time._

Guide sent _sweet-officer-eager-young_ and a gentle fondness down through their bond. He was amused by how anxious Nexus had been to deliver a simple message. But he had not been Named back then. So much had changed.

_Nexus-of-the-past tried to reach out timidly through the hive-sense. He expected to encounter the Commander’s impenetrable mental shield, but he was not prepared for what he found._

_Nothing._

_Where the mind of his revered leader should have been, there was only a… a… gap. An… absence. When his own mind reached further to probe this… nothing, it instantly filled him with unease and made his stomach lurch. Even when disconnected from the hive-sense, his Commander’s presence should still register._

_Nexus-of-the-past cast his mind out into the throne room. As his mind moved across his seated leader, all he could sense was the uninterrupted consciousness of his hivemates. This was simply impossible. Wraith cannot disappear. They are never truly invisible from one another. Otherwise, they could become forever untethered, alone.*_

“How?” he asked again.

“Is that really what you wish to ask me, Nexus?” rumbled the deep voice beside him. 

_no_ It still surprised him how easily Guide could interpret his mind.

**_so ask_ **

**_that which you_ **

**_truly wish to know_ **

“Why?” he questioned, steeling himself against reprisal. It was not for him to ask such things but he couldn’t help it. “Why would you untether? You could have been lost to us.”

_lost… to me_

His question unleashed a torrent of muddy images, emotions, broken words, and muddled thoughts that Nexus didn’t understand.

**_[silence. always silent. no brothers. gone_ **

**_heavy brick. thick walls. brown uniforms. humans_ **

**_lonely-alone hurt-pain-endure_ **

**_hunger coiling, lurking, burning. no-end no-end._ **

**_ever and silent and ever and silent and ever]_ **

The silence was frightening, isolating, dense, and choking. Untethered and lost. It clouded the mind of the elder wraith in the memory, made him forget. Made his mind wander, his _solis_ disappear. Anything to escape the silent world of _not-hive_.

And then.

**_[hive song. crooning trilling calling him home_ **

**_minds vibrating, humming as one. hivemates_ **

**_buzzing-building. deafening-drone-thrumming-pulse_ **

**_loud-louder. touching, always prodding inside_ **

**_his mind tilts sideways, bending and sliding away]_ **

This silence was inviting, forgiving, cool, and peaceful. Untethered and free. It released his damaged mind and blocked out the noise of _too-many-minds_. But the silence also helped him to remember. Remember _hive_ and _brothers_ and _safe-now-safe-ever_. Then the tugs of a thousand soft rustlings begged him to go back. And so he did.

_so you hurt still_

_after all this time?_

Nexus ached with the weight of this truth. His Commander was pulled between two existings - the silent world of humans and the cacophony of _hive_. Guide did not want to answer. But his brother already knew. The time the elder wraith had spent underground had taken its toll.

_no more_ And Nexus made his decision. 

He would not let his brother suffer. Within his mind’s eye, he studied the blue-white mind before him. Bright. Powerful. Strong. But now he could see it; the damage. The hairline cracks and minuscule fissures that marred the surface of Guide’s _solis_ , and the microscopic holes that were bleeding way down inside.

Guide attempted to move his mind away from this uncomfortable scrutiny. But Nexus held firm to their **_vinculum_** , the brother-bond that would not ever let him go. He sent himself, his _solis_ , down their bond and waited for the elder wraith to grant him entry. 

Sitting beside him, Guide had gone tense and rigid, gripping tighter onto Nexus. Nexus showed his brother an image of his own purple mind centred within the broken mass of consciousness that was his Commander. 

**_stop this, nexus_ **

If he chose to let Nexus in, the younger wraith would be able to _see_ things. He would _know_ things. The ancient wraith could not bear to have someone witness what his mind had become just to survive. 

**_go back, nexus_ **

But there was no power in his thoughts. Nexus could tell that Guide was afraid - scared that his young brother would uncover his every weakness. 

**_brother, please_ **

Nexus switched the Iratus clasp to his offhand, circling the fingers of his feeding hand gently around Guide’s wrist. He could feel the elder wraith’s indecision. 

_i will not probe, brother_

_i will not spy_ Nexus sent _gentle_ and _careful_ and _brother-hive_.

**_nexus…_** **_longing-brother-heal_** warred with **_fear-expose-shame_**.

_you have my word_ _trust-me-brother_ and _please_

Within his _stella-tenux_ , Nexus rolled his purple _solis_ to brush the fissured blue-white shell.

…

**_very well..._ **

Guide allowed Nexus to continue gripping his wrist, but grabbed the young wraith's forearm with his feeding hand. He dug in with his sharp talons as Nexus slowly entered the ancient mind, nestling his _solis_ at its core. 

A scene from Nexus’ memory slowly unfurled Guide Nexus made soothing hisses and purring vibrations and shared a feeling of _safe-mellow-hive._ Nexus made soothing hisses and purring vibrations and shared a feeling of _safe-mellow-hive._ Like Juno had done before, Guide sank into the memory, watching with increasing calm as a young wraithling _[nexus]_ was being cradled and rocked by someone older _[sire]_ while all around him came a low, soothing hum _[hive]._

As the scene was quietly stilling Guide’s _solis_ , Nexus readied his own mind. He began drawing strength from the memory of his Sire and used it to fuel the expansion of his mind. Purple energy ballooned out to find every minor crack, fissure, hole, and deficit in the older, blue-white _solis_. 

Nexus could sense the other wraith's doubt but he wanted so badly to _serve-commander_ and honor-guide and _help-brother_. Dormant memories of his Sire sprung to life. Nexus projected them for his distressed brother.

**_solaxis…_** Curiosity flowed from Guide’s mind

_father, mine_ His Sire had done this for him as a wraithling

**_i did not know_ ** **_wonder-awe_ ** and **_brother-gift_ **

Nexus knew he could only repair a little of the damage so he focused on the greatest and most treacherous faultline and channeled his energy there. Just like his Sire, he gave of his own energy, his own _solis_ , to permanently fill the painful chasm.

_it is done._

Gently, oh so gently, his purple _solis_ crept back, mindful of the Ancient One's misgivings. He removed his hand from Guide’s wrist, even though his brother was still clinging to his arm. In the total darkness of his _stella-tenux_ , Nexus was transfixed by the blue-white giant, now marked with a vivid streak of pure purple fire. 

Guide was breathing heavily beside him, teeth bared in a grimace.

_it is only one_

_hurtings_ Nexus could see so many more scars and hurts.

**_yesss_ **

_But_ _now_ _this one is--_

_**unbroken**_.

Nexus swallowed. His Commander, his brother, withdrew those sharp claws and pressed his cool palm to hot skin instead. Nexus knew he could fix the other hurts but only if Guide would let him in again one day. 

Nexus agonised while waiting for his brother to react. He felt as though he had waited forever before their bond exploded with phrenic blue-white bursts and **_thankyou-brother-healing-hive_** **.** Guide turned to look at Nexus in wonder then bowed his head in silent thanks. Nexus knew that it did not matter to the elder wraith if he ever managed to mend the rest. It was enough that he wanted to try. 

**_ego vester sum,_ **

**_et vos mei._ **

_ego vester sum,_

_et vos mei._

“I am yours and you are mine.”

“I am yours and you are mine.”

  
  


**********

Arms still touching, minds still tethered close, Nexus noticed that while Guide had many _filum_ reaching out across the galaxy, he had very few bone-white _**vinculum**_ , very few bonded brothers. This fact did not surprise the young wraith, considering how Guide was so protective of his _solis._ The elder wraith was so withdrawn from the hivemind in that way. He seemed poised to sever his connections in an instant. 

Nexus shared _special_ and _chosen_ and _brother-guide_. Guide’s voice rumbled in reply and Nexus felt an increase in the vibrations of their bond. 

Nexus noticed a brother-bond tinged in a familiar neon-green and swiftly moved his mind away from it _[the second]_ as Guide chuckled quietly _._ He settled instead on the sight of a warm red **_vinculum_** that bound his Commander to an unexpected mind. 

_a brother-bond with…_

_...a human?_ He wondered at this _human brother;_ warm and red--

**_yes, brother_ **

_the colonel?_ He thought _hive-brother_ and _sheppard_ and _john_

**_yes_ **

Nexus looked up at the observation window but the human had gone.

“John Sheppard will return,” Guide assured the younger wraith, reaching to pluck the Iratus clasp off the blanket. 

“The Colonel is _hive_.” Nexus leans further into his brother's side, watching as Guide rolled the clasp between his thumb and forefinger. 

Nexus could feel how much this pleased his Commander, waves of _yes-verywell-hive-yours_ rippling down their link. The elder wraith moved the black insect back and forth, the polished black surface rippling with iridescent green.

Consumed by the security of their closeness, Nexus turned his head and murmured into Guide’s shoulder, “Sheppard is my brother.”

“Yesss, Nexus,” came the soft hiss as Guide placed the clasp on the side table. “All is well, brother.”

************

The door to the isolation room opened slowly and revealed a hesitant figure poised on the threshold. Even shadowed by the doorframe, Nexus instantly recognised her.

“ _Stella-nix_ ,” he breathed happily. He felt their _filum_ light up, anchored at the other end by her _solis_ , currently a wreath of tiny stars. Nexus could sense her uncertainty as she stared at them reclining together. Nexus sensed Guide’s consideration of his _stella-nix_ , and the internal debate between moving from his young brother's side to make her more comfortable, or remain there to indicate the importance of their brother-bond.

“Nexus?”

He felt her question move up their _filum_ and hover before his mind. The query contained a jumble of thoughts; 

_nexus-friend-mine todd-no-guide-his commander-wraith-hive same-same-different hive-not-hive..._

Her inquest appeared in his _stella-tenux_ as a torchlight searching and settling on the site where the **_vinculum_** tied Nexus to his brother. The wraith officer was surprised that she could sense something had changed about his _solis_. He was answered with an explanation from Guide in the form of a recent memory; his blue-white _solis_ hitched loosely to Juno’s pale star as she dragged him swiftly through the darkness to find their Nexus. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Juno being _known_ by Guide separately from him.

**_she is hive now, nexus_** Guide shared **_hive-protect-mine-ours_** and Nexus smiled.

Before she could back away, Guide waved in the general direction of a nearby chair; a silent invitation for her to join them. The elder wraith also shifted away from Nexus. Slightly. 

Nexus managed to quell his urge to smirk at his brother’s minute gesture to accommodate Juno. He pulsed a wave of  _ hive  _ and reached out to her with his offhand.

Juno approached the chair abandoned by Beckett and clutched the back, leaving it between them. At first, Nexus assumed her uncertainty centred on Guide but her _solis_ was intent on him only. He caught a brief glimpse of something, an image; a shadowed reflection with dull mossy eyes, sallow skin, and drab grey hair-- 

_you, Juno?_ Surely this image was a mistake.

But her downcast eyes and slumped shoulders confirmed for him what it was that she feared. Their _filum_ conveyed to Nexus that the attack had clearly taken its toll on her body _[tired-wornout-grey-grey-grey]_ and mind _[used-broken-wrong]_. 

Nexus reached out his hand again. “Please?”

Moving around the chair she stood by his bedside and tentatively placed her delicate, pale hand into his large, green one. She didn’t meet his eyes but, instead, fixed her gaze on the sight of their connected hands. Her lips curled into a faint smile. 

Nexus assembled a new image for his Juno and was delighted to find that Guide was also preparing something. 

“Shut your eyes,” he instructed and watched her eyelids flutter closed before he did the same.

In the darkness, Guide’s blue-white _solis_ hovered at a respectful distance, waiting. Juno felt him floating there and hummed her consent. Guide wound his weaker link around her _filum_ with Nexus.

“ _This_ is my _stella-nix,_ ” Nexus declared and pushed his impression of her down their _filum. W_ hen it reached her, it unfolded in her mind. 

★ The first; her sweet scent. _[vanilla]_ she provided; thinking of a small plant, a bar of soap, a plate of biscuits.

“Vanilla,” he echoed, testing out the alien word.

★ The second; each wraith delivered a sound that they associated with her. Nexus; her voice singing a melody _[rodneys song]_ that slowly rose to a crescendo. Guide; her desperate scream during the attack _[protect-team-hive]_. It sounded like a warrior's cry. 

★ The third; a face materialised from a violet haze; her face, looking back at them. Juno saw;

_long hair, grey_ and _new-changed-silver,_ and _shining_

 _round eyes, mossy_ and _green-forest-emerald-jade_ and _see-all-see-me_

 _skin, pale_ and _fair-cream-flecked_ and _touch-soft-warm_

★ The last; blue-purple light revealed to her the many stars that made up _her_ mind-feel. And they were not white or pale. Silver now. Silver-grey and brilliant. The wraith both felt her disbelief at the image of her face captured in the light of all three minds;

blue-white glowing with _**daring** _ and **_hive_ **

purple pulsing _beautiful-juno-mine_

silver stars radiating with _welcome-yes_

Then.

A deep, rumbled command. “Open your eyes.”

A low, purred question. “Juno?”

A soft, whispered reply. “I am _stella-nix.”_

***************************

The three of them relaxed, content to just bask the unhurried _knowing_ of one another’s minds. Guide had unwound his weak link to Juno, freeing it from around her _filum_ with Nexus. The younger wraith wondered how much his _stella-nix_ could sense. She seemed to feel the strengthening connection between her and the Commander, separate to their own. He suspected she allowed this for his benefit. Juno concentrated her attention only on him and not on the commanding presence of his elder. Guide, who had opened his eyes, was quietly pleased for his smug young brother.

“Nexus?” The wraith opened his eyes to look at his Juno. She was perched in the chair now, still holding his hand. “What do your tattoos signify? I mean, I know they’re written in Wraith--”

Guide’s voice was steeped in surprise. “You read Wraith, Doctor?”

“Not really... Todd,” she admitted, her eyes glancing over at the Commander. “At least, not modern Wraith. The older form has some points of similarity with Ancient, so I can recognise the odd word here and there… but modern Wraith is still somewhat a mystery. There’s very little of it in the database.”

Nexus glanced uncertainly at his Commander who had decided to pull up a chair of his own.

_should I explain?_

**_tread carefully, my Nexus._ **

Nexus looked into those fascinated green pools staring back at him. He explained, “Each moment of significance in the life of a wraith is branded in symbols down their spine. Their clan, birth hive, first fee--, ah, and… many more. The older the wraith, the more marks they display. The fourth mark in my spine announces my First Naming, gifted to me by my Mother-Queen many years ago.” 

Letting go of Juno's hand, Nexus placed his hands on the back of his neck and traced his fingers along the tattooed lines around either side, meeting the glyphs that crossed his chest and almost met at his sternum. “My First Naming is connected by these lines to the two Marks in front here.”

“And these Marks are the names of my Mother-Queen on one side and my-- my Sire on the other. Most Wraith do not know their parents, (although they may guess at their mother-queen), so they do not have Marks like these.” He paused and looked tenderly at the marks gracing his chest. His expression clouded over and their _filum_ thrummed with _pain_ and _loss_. “These were etched with their blessing.”

Thoughts of _hive_ came from his brother-bond with Guide _[motherqueen-serve sire-cherish]_ and then from his link with Juno _[hurtings-sorry-mynexus]_. 

“So your Mother-Queen named you ‘Nexus’?” Juno intuited this from their link, hoping to distract him from his sudden moment of sadness. 

“No. Nexus is my Hive Name. One that can be known only by my hive-brothers. And humans, if we choose,” he explained, before looking up at Guide shyly. “It was gifted to me by my Commander.”

“It is a good name,” purred Guide. Nexus lifted his chin with pride.

“What’s your real First Name then?” Juno asked, unfortunately realising her mistake only when the young wraith froze.

His Commander sent him _warning_ over sharing his First Name with a human, and Nexus was again gripped by the same dilemma he faced when the healer asked him this.

But he also felt the rising anguish of denying his _stella-nix_ anything she wished to know. The ease with which he shared his Hive Name concealed the fact that their link wasn’t nearly deep enough for her to comprehend the feeling of his mind signature all on her own. 

On impulse, he grabbed Juno’s offhand and brought it up to his chest, ignoring her startled gasp. He knew that Guide was smirking beside him. 

_touch_ He sent her _please_ and _safe_ and _feel_

Juno tentatively ran her warm fingers over his chest, eyes widening in surprise at the raised ridges underneath each black line. 

_burn? pain?_ She conveyed _awe_ and _thrill_ and just a hint of something heated.

“You said ‘branded’, didn’t you?” she confirmed, and her mind sent _understand_ as their _filum_ fired up with her curiosity. When her fingers reached the gap between his collarbones she looked thoughtful. She ran her finger down the length of his sternum. “This will sound strange but... it _feels_ like something should go here.”

The wraith’s expression darkened. “I have not yet earned my True Name.” Juno felt his impatience on this issue and an eagerness to prove himself worthy. 

“Many wraith wait centuries for the honour of even one Naming,” Guide rumbled. 

**_and you already have two, my young brother_ **

Nexus felt his Commander’s gentle rebuke travel down their **_vinculum_** and met it immediately with his contrition and bowed his head. Affection immediately returned to their bond, warming the very centre of his being.

Sensing only his remorse, Juno tactfully changed the subject. She looked up at Guide, surprising the elder wraith by sensing something through their delicate mental connection. “Todd… you want to... show me something?”

Guide recovered quickly and produced the repaired Iratus clasp from its place on the side table. He ignited his _filum_ with Juno and showed her the story of its damage, his repair work, and subsequent return to the younger wraith. Nexus bathed the images in the light of his happiness and appreciation for his Commander’s efforts. Juno grinned and reached for the clasp, mindfully avoiding the raised edges of Guide’s feeding slit.

Holding the opaline insect carefully between the thumb and forefinger of her left hand, she concentrated on her thoughts and both wraith managed to receive flickers of her growing excitement. Nexus also got a flash of an image of himself and Guide, their heads both tilted to the right, identical expressions of confusion on their faces. 

_stella-nix?_

Juno reached into the pocket of her blue trousers _[jeans nexus]_ and, with a theatrical flourish, produced the clasp’s missing twin. She sat there, a clasp perched on each hand, beaming at them. Nexus was struck dumb with astonishment. Guide leaned forward, peering at her offering. 

A second passed in silence, then two, three, four… nobody moved. Juno rushed to explain. “Colonel Sheppard found it on the floor. Of the conference room? He left it with me because you were-- ,”

_dying_

“ --in surgery.”

He sensed Juno’s doubt creeping up their _filum_ before it was met with a white-hot rush of _awe-disbelief-gratitude-how_ from Guide which he followed quickly with a wave of _stella-nix-mea-mine-my-adore-belong-HIVE_. 

Distracted by their flood of emotions, she could only yelp in surprise as Nexus scooped her up and crushed her into an embrace. She timidly looped her arms around his neck, returning his exuberant hug. Juno maneuvered her legs up and lent them against his thigh, Nexus holding her so that she wouldn’t slide back off the bed. 

Nexus felt Guide nudge his leg, making him aware of her rigid posture - her body was thrumming with nerves. Nexus nuzzled his cheek against her neck and breathed a contented sigh. She responded by resting her chin against the smooth surface of his bare shoulder and he felt her body relax against him. He lost himself for a moment in the scent of her skin - "vanilla," he recited - and the feather-light wisps of her hair tickling his cheek. 

Nexus watched Guide stretch one leather-clad arm towards his _stella-nix_ to touch the back of her arm. The action was accompanied by the warm glow of **_fate-destiny-hive_** from the Commander’s _solis_. 

The younger wraith felt Juno stiffen once again in his arms and so he pulled back just a little to check on her. Juno turned to face his Commander. She studied the raised lines branded around Todd’s eye, fingers twitching as if trying to resist the urge to reach out and  _ touch _ . Nexus chuckled.

He felt his brother smile at his Juno and he sensed her body relaxing. She loosened her embrace and twisted around to lean against his shoulder. Nexus hesitated for a moment, then looped his arm around her waist. Guide withdrew his touch from her arm but she reached out to take his hand, resting them on the blanket. Nexus covered their hands with his own and just couldn’t contain his reaction; overcome as he was by his _stellanix-mea_ and _teneo-vitalum,_ so he bathed his elder and his human with waves of _guide_ and _brother_ and _dear-one_ and _mine_.

“We are in your debt, Doctor Juno Ashburn,” Guide rumbled. “Our thanks.”

“Yes, _stella-nix mea_. Thank you,” Nexus whispered, and pressed his lips against her soft, silvered hair. His Juno simply smiled and sent them one thought; 

_hive_.

********************


	8. Beckett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carson returns to check on his patient and makes some unexpected discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned - I wrote most of this while drinking wine and sweeping myself away with all the fluffiness. :)
> 
> ‘Och aye, the noo’ is a Scottish saying that translates to ‘oh yes, just now’. It is often parodied by non-Scots and is actually rarely said as one phrase; ‘och aye’ and ‘the noo’ are usually said separately.

Carson strode back towards the isolation room, debating with himself along the way. Everyone was used to seeing him carry out whole conversations on his own as he moved between the infirmary and the mess hall for coffee and back again. He sighed and continued his deliberation, shifting the cardboard box from one arm to the other.

“Okay, so ye know Nexus has a bit of a thing about his clothes so it’s definitely a good idea to return them to the lad.” _So far, so good._ “But. The poor guy’s gone through hell these past few days. Is it really goin’ ta help him if he sees his jacket in tatters?” 

He could hear the fatigue in his voice. Rodney said he always sounded more Scottish when he was tired. Actually, what his friend liked was to torture him by saying “Och aye, the noo” which is something Carson _never actually said, thank you very much._ Rodney would always completely butcher his accent which never failed to send them both into a fit of hysterical giggles. When the laughter finally died out, they’d both take an honest look at one another and march themselves off to get some sleep. 

Well, Rodney was right. “But there’s no way I’ll be tellin’ him that.” The guards posted outside the isolation room door _(Travis and… and… damn!)_ just looked back at him blankly. 

Carson just shuffled quietly through the door before coming to an abrupt stop. The sight he was met with was certainly... unexpected… but the doctor found that it lifted his spirits in a way that he couldn’t really even begin to explain. 

Two Wraith and a human each with a hand placed in the middle of their little group.  _ Like a strange version of the Three Musketeers,  _ thought Carson, chuckling to himself. 

Someone had raised the bed up and Nexus looked like he was reclining on a sun lounger in the Bahamas. The young wraith looked completely restored and relaxed, his head tilted so it nestled against Juno’s hair. The archivist herself was lying on her side along the younger wraith’s body. Her cheek rested on Nexus’ shoulder, his arm around her waist.  Todd, for his part, somehow looked even more imposing with his large frame seated on a flimsy folding chair.

But the most curious element had to be, well, all the _touching_. Todd’s left palm rested beneath the younger wraith’s feeding hand who, in turn, cradled Juno's hand as they all looked reverently at whatever lay there. 

Carson found the friendship between Juno and Nexus quite fascinating. Dr. Ashburn had joined the expedition when they were stuck on Earth, coming highly recommended from the SGC. While he was conducting her first Lantean physical, the archivist had told him all about her work and her excitement to head to the Pegasus galaxy. He’d enjoyed listening to her; a child of British ex-pats, her accent had a rather charming lilt to it.

Seeing her cozied up with the young wraith officer was certainly a surprise. At their first meeting, Nexus had seemed so typically _Wraith_ ; sneering his way through Carson’s update on the gene therapy project. But one question about Nexus himself and the wraith lit up, describing his birth hive and his delight to be serving under Todd. It seemed to him that the wraith and the archivist had their infectious enthusiasm in common.

Since then, Carson had seen the two of them in the mess hall a few times, oblivious to the curious stares. They seemed oddly comfortable together, talking animatedly about Ancient journal entries and Wraith historical documents. Oh, and, weirdly enough, _Star Wars_. 

After the attack, Carson had listened to Sheppard’s private concerns about Nexus and Juno. The Colonel was worried the wraith had invaded her mind, causing her to attack and kill the Genii leader. The doctor wondered whether that may have played a role in Juno’s withdrawn behaviour and silence. But their growing friendship and current closeness gave him hope for the two of them.

The doctor stood there watching them together and saw the instant that Juno’s head turned to look at Nexus, her green eyes lifting to meet yellow alien ones. Both woman and wraith looked away quickly, Juno’s cheeks turning pink as Nexus turned away quickly and stared off into the distance. 

Carson glanced up and noticed Todd staring back at him. A knowing look passed between them, and for just a moment they weren’t Todd-the-Scary-Wraith-Commander and Carson-the-Kindly-Human-Physician. They were simply two bystanders charmed by some awkward flirtations.

The moment slipped away as Todd realised the trio's hand-holding flummoxed the doctor and displayed his trademark wolfish grin. He curled his clawed fingers around the two hands resting upon his, tapping his pointed talons on Juno's palm. This drew a small distracted smile from her without dragging her attention away from Nexus, who still seemed to be intensely examining the far wall of the isolation room. 

Todd’s eyes never left Carson’s face, smirking in amusement as the doctor felt himself blush. He bustled over to the nearby workbench to deposit the box he’d been carrying.

“Doctorrrr Beck-ett,” he purred. Nexus and Juno startled and looked up at him, three sets of eyes now questioning the intrusion. 

Juno bolted upright and sat on the edge of the bed. “Dr. Beckett! You’re back. Nexus is feeling much better.”

Carson couldn’t help but return her giddy smile with a pleased one of his own. It was a relief to hear her lilting voice again after such a traumatic ordeal. “I’ve missed our little tea breaks, ye know, lass. It’s good to see that you’re doing better, too.”

Her smile faltered as she pulled her braid from behind her. “Well, except for, you know.”

“Aye. It was a bit of a surprise for me, too, I must admit,” he said carefully. “I’ll give Nexus a once-over and then why don’t I take a quick look?”

Carson noticed the long look that passed between Juno and Nexus; her expression going from one of concentration to uncertainty as she chewed on her lower lip. The doctor glanced over at Nexus, suspicious of just how long they were contemplating each other. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Juno’s distracted reply. “Sure, yes. Okay,” she agreed, eyes on Nexus. _Were they…? No, surely not._ Juno turned away from the young wraith and got up to leave. Heading towards the doctor, she said, “I’ll just come back when you’re finished with Nexus.”

Carson was about to agree when Juno stopped in her tracks, head cocked to one side. Turning back to Nexus, she asked, “are you sure?” Carson couldn’t discern any obvious reply, but Juno waited for a beat and then returned to perch on the edge of the bed. _Well, that answers that then._

Todd clearly had no intention of leaving, but Carson made sure to get a nod of approval from Nexus before he busied himself administering the wraith’s checkup. Checking heartbeat and respiration brought Carson closer to the ever-present wraith Commander who was scrutinising his every move. Todd's high-necked black coat was partially unbuttoned, a near scandalous level of informality for a wraith, offering a peek at the green muscled chest below. _Not that Carson was peeking. Of course not._

Catching his eye, Todd tilted his head to one side in question, a smile playing on his lipswhile he fastened his coat. 

“Is that instrument meant to be used for something?" Todd asked, the very picture of innocence. 

"Say what now?" Carson looked down and realised that he'd been holding the end of the stethoscope in mid-air, inches away from the young wraith's chest. "Oh, yes, right. Ah, there we go." 

He tried to angle his face away from Todd, hoping the wraith wouldn't notice another embarrassed blush. Chancing a brief look back turned out to be a mistake. One look at Todd’s tell-tale smirk confirmed he'd gotten away with absolutely nothing. _Shite_. 

_Focus_. Clear lungs, steady heartbeat. Excellent. A soft vibration under his palm drew his attention and he leaned closer to the young officer. _Was he… purring?_

"Oh, now, isn't that just the dearest thing?" he said, glancing over his shoulder to a smiling Juno, who was staring at Nexus and ignoring Carson completely. As the doctor watched, she tilted her head as though listening intently before nodding and humming thoughtfully. 

It might have been the rhythmic purring vibrating through his palm, and his close proximity to two known telepaths, but he could have sworn they were communicating. All three of them… about… 

"Iratus bugs!" Carson squawked and leaped away from the bed, frantically searching the room. "Where?" 

Todd burst out in throaty laughter, provoking another manly yelp from the doctor. Head thrown back and sharp, grey teeth on full display, the wraith commander’s delight at Carson’s fright was simply terrifying. 

"Dr. Beckett?" Juno called gently. "They're just decorative."

Nexus opened his feeding hand to reveal two black iratus figurines rested side by side, big enough to cover his open palm. Carson waited for his breathing to return to normal before moving to stand next to where Juno was sitting facing Nexus and looked at the bugs between them. Todd’s chair was opposite him, the wraith watching as the doctor peered at the offending items. 

He cleared his throat. "Well. Aren't they just so, er, insect-like? And, ah, most… quaint."

Nexus picked one up and moved it around so that the curled antennae looped around the other. "Dr. Beck-ett. They are designed to lock together. Do you see?" Nexus was speaking slowly as though not to spook him. Carson just nodded his reply. "They're made from a type of black volcanic rock. It takes considerable polishing to give them their iridescent green shine." 

"That's, uh, quite clever there, lad," Carson offered, still preferring to stand at a bit of a distance. "Where'd ye get the wee critters?" 

The eyes of the young wraith lit up with warmth. "My sire bestowed them upon me before I left my birth hive. I thought I had lost one during…” The doctor observed as all three of them tensed, adopting near-identical haunted expressions. Carson was about to speak up when, as if on an unspoken cue, all three visibly relaxed and Nexus continued on as though nothing had happened. 

“They were a gift to my father from his past hive-brother. Made just for him,” he added proudly. He turned to gaze reverently at Todd who smiled back at him. Carson’s confusion must have shown on his face because Juno placed a reassuring hand on his arm. 

"It was Todd,” Juno clarified. “Who made the clasp." 

The elder wraith just inclined his head in affirmation and gave a dismissive wave of his offhand. Combined with his regal posture, he reminded Carson of an imperial monarch presiding over them all from his royal throne. All he needed now was a goblet of wine and a shiny crown. _Ay, king of the wraith, alright._

Carson turned his attention to Juno. “Right then, Dr. Ashburn. Our lad here seems right as rain so let’s take a look at that hair of yours, shall we? Would ye mind just undoing your plait there, lass?”

The doctor stifled a yawn as he waited for Juno to unravel her braid, only to see Nexus making grabby hands at her hair. Carson did a double-take and, no he wasn’t, not quite. _Christ, I’ve been spending far too much time with Rodney._

Nexus announced, “I will unlace your hair for you." He paused then added, "Please, _stella-nix_?” Carson contemplated the strange epithet as Juno turned around and shuffled backward to get a bit closer to the wraith. The doctor watched in tired wonder as Nexus solemnly removed the hair tie and began to unravel the long plait with the utmost care.

As the wraith slowly brushed his fingers through her grey tresses, Carson confirmed that he could share the relevant scientific information with the wraith present. “You see now, there’s a medical phenomenon known as _canities subita_ where a person’s hair goes grey or white either overnight or rapidly over a few days.” 

The doctor noticed that Todd seemed equally mesmerised by the way Nexus was stroking Juno’s hair, which feel halfway down her back. “Some, uh, medical professionals are quick to discount these events as myth, but there are a growing number of documented cases. Some of those instances appear to be the results of, well, severe trauma.”

Carson hauled a surgical lamp over to the bedside in an effort to resist the strange urge to start petting Nexus’ hair. The white wispy strands just looked so soft. _If I don’t get some sleep soon, I really can’t be held responsible for my own behaviour._

Instead, he combed his gloved hands methodically through Juno’s hair, pausing to examine each section. “Now, there you go. See, not all of your hair has gone grey, love. It’s just that your natural colour was somewhat ashen, to begin with - a sort of light brown, I guess - which makes the grey look more extensive than it actually is.”

Juno turned to look up at him with eyes full of relief. Nexus took this as an end to the exam and swiped Juno’s hair from the doctor’s hands. Carson chuckled to himself as he fiddled with the lamp. “And ye know, in this light, it actually looks a wee bit silver.” 

As Juno glanced around at Nexus, yet another significant look passed between her and the two wraith. Carson pulled the empty chair up close to the bed and settled himself in. “Alright then. Which one of ye will tell me what’s goin’ on? Now, now, don’t play coy. You lot are silently chatting away amongst yourselves, which is all very well for Wraith, but I don’t understand how Juno’s doin’ it.”

Nexus deferred to Todd so he began the explanation but it quickly became a lesson delivered by all three. “Dr. Beck-ett. Nexus is somewhat… gifted in his abilities to speak mind to mind. He has constructed a mental landscape, called--”

“--my _stella-tenux_. Which--”

“--comes from the language of the Ancients and means ‘star map’! It’s--”

“--populated by the mind signatures of all wraith and humans in close proximity. Nexus can locate any---”

“ _\---solis_ and extend a _filum--_ ”

“--meaning ‘mind’ and he extends a mental ‘connection’. Even to--”

“--humans like Dr. Ashburn. She has proven quite adept at inviting and discerning communications--”

“--but projecting is--”

“--a lot harder. Gives me a bit of a headache after a while.” 

The collective lecture paused there as both Wraith stopped to convey their sympathies to Juno in the form of caressing her hair (Nexus) and inclining his head ever so slightly (Todd). Carson now recognised that these actions were accompanied by telepathic comforts. 

Carson sorted through the barrage of information. “O-kay. But clearly **_I_ ** cannae--”

“Oh, but you did, Dr. Beck-ett,” Nexus interrupted. “Earlier, you discerned that we were communicating about the clasp. You knew they were Iratus without seeing them for yourself.” 

“Although,” Todd pointed out, amusement dancing in his eyes, “you believed them to be real.”

Coming to his defense, Juno exclaimed, “that’s hardly his fault!”

“You are correct, _stella-nix_ ,” Nexus agreed. “Dr. Beck-ett, would you like me to connect with you? It is much easier to simply show you.”

“Oh, well, I’m not sure, son.” Carson hesitated. He was certainly curious, that was for sure. Telepathy was an area he had wanted to explore ever since learning of the abilities of the wraith…

...while he was deliberating, he began to feel a soft nudging. Well, feel wasn’t quite the right word for it, but he recognised what was happening; Nexus was offering him a _filum_. Not sure how to accept, he treated it like the times Rodney made him sit in the control chair. With rising trepidation, he thought “yes”. 

His eyes naturally fluttered closed and he relaxed back into his chair, feeling suddenly content. 

In the darkness, he could make out a faint constellation that slowly became brighter and clearer. In the centre was a vivid purple sphere, and he _heard_ without _hearing_ a whisper which identified the orb as a _[solis]_ that belonged to _[nexus]_ . Above this floated a small cluster of tiny silver specks _[stellanix-juno]_ tethered by a thin silver line _[filum]_ while off to one side hovered a glowing blue-white mass _[commander-brother]_ anchored with a thick white rope _[brother-bond]_. 

“Oh my,” Carson heard himself whisper in the dark. This was incredible. He watched as another wee _filum_ extended from the purple _solis_ to a fourth mind. This one was different; its shape was irregular, cloud-like, and wispy. And very pink. 

“Ye know, I’ve always liked pink,” he murmured. He watched the flossy pink _solis_ as it undulated in the dark. The cloud looked soft and inviting like you could nestle yourself in there for a good old sleep. He wondered whose mind it was-- _[carson. doctorcarsonbeck-ett]._

“Me?!” he yelped, followed by a familiar rumble of laughter _(that’ll be Todd)_ followed by a comforting purr _(and that must be Nexus)_. How typical of the elder wraith. _Why did he always have to mock--_

_no doctor beck-ett._

_he does not tease._

Okay, this was all a bit weird now. Carson watched in his mind’s eye as the purple _solis_ pulsed with the words coming from Nexus that he somehow _heard_ through their new connection. _Well, if Todd wasn’t mocking him, again, then what--_

_carson._

This time the silver stars shimmered a bit and he felt _hush_ and _peace_ drift towards him but coming via Nexus. _Was that Juno?_ And then he somehow knew she had said _yes_ but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out how. 

Carson saw Todd’s _solis_ expand and contract, watching with mounting worry as a blue-white pulse traveled towards and then through the purple orb, before heading directly for the pink cloud. _Oh, dear. Oh no. Here it comes..._

He was about ready to call an end to all of this when he _saw_ \--

\--a soft blue light dawning in his mind’s eye. Gentle words sighed in a dual-toned voice; **_doctor-carson-beckett_** and **_healer-care-help_** and **_save-nexus-brother-mine_**. Carson felt **_gratitude_** and **_tribute_** wrap themselves snugly around him. He heard his own voice chased by Todd’s sense of wonder as he called Nexus “son” and “laddie” and “m'boy”. He saw faint glimpses of rapid images passing by - every one of them focused on him; keeping a tireless bedside vigil for _**[nexus]**_ , smiling and leaning over an injured **_[todd]_** , holding **_[juno]_ ** ’s hand as she cried, and countless flashes of him tending to **_[sheppard]_ ** time and time again.

And then Todd laughed his deep, throaty chuckle, and Carson discovered how much joy the wraith felt when he watched all the **_[lanteans]_** and marveled at their **_[human]_** peculiarities. Carson swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He felt the wraith’s approval of Rodney **_[mckay]_** and respect for Teyla **_[steelflower]_**. And he realised he couldn’t quite comprehend the emotions that Todd felt for Nexus and Juno and John **_[we are hive]_**. 

And, in his own way, Todd cared about him. _Him_.

Carson opened his eyes and the beautiful _solises **[soli]**_ disappeared. Instead, he looked at the people before him, one by one; Juno’s soft smile and Nexus grinning proudly and then Todd, watching quietly. _What could he say?_ He just didn’t have words or feelings or anything within him that could express what it felt like to be _seen_ \- to be _understood_. The doctor realised he was crying. He let the tears fall and didn’t care. That feeling of Todd’s that he couldn’t fathom **_[hive]_ ** came at him from all three of them now. All he could do was stare back at them all and shake his head. _Magic._

“Thank you, lad. You really do live up to yer name, don’t ye? Thanks to all of you.” He sighed and shook himself, wiping his eyes. “Pure barry! Someone should figure out how to bottle that."

“It’s something else, isn’t it?” Juno asked. He hadn’t noticed that she’d put her hand on his arm again. He patted it fondly. 

“Aye.” 

Carson really needed to get going; after all that, his bed was practically calling to him. But then he remembered the errand he’d come from earlier. 

“Doctor Beck-ett?” the concerned query from Nexus made him realise that their connection must be conveying his apprehension. With some reluctance, he got up and fetched the cardboard box from the workbench.

“I wanted to give ye back your jacket. You were so upset that it was gone when ye woke up.” He took a deep breath and handed the black bundle to the troubled wraith. “I’m sorry, son.”

Carson watched over Nexus as he unfolded the garment and took inventory of the bullet holes and the various tears where they’d had to cut the jacket off him in surgery. In typical wraith fashion, the young officer’s expression never changed but now the doctor could feel waves of despair crashing over his mind. Echoes of fear _(Juno)_ and worry _(Todd)_ joined in the flood of emotion and Carson had to sit back down. The tattered jacket slid onto the floor.

Juno was intently watching Nexus as Todd rose from his chair and placed his offhand on his officer’s shoulder, easing him back to recline against the pillow. Then both commander and officer turned simultaneously towards Juno and, seeing the pained look on her face, Nexus reached out and touched her cheek. 

The doctor fell into his familiar mode of caregiver, collecting the fallen jacket from the floor and shaking it out gently while walking around the bed. He repositioned the hospital blankets and then draped the jacket delicately over Nexus, smoothing out the creases. Todd tucked the covers in on his side, and Juno took care of the other, while Carson stepped back to take in the wraith’s reaction. He needn’t have worried; Nexus looked about ready to drift off at any moment. _Poor lad must be exhausted, even with the Gift of Life._

Juno hesitated for a moment, glancing at Carson shyly, before resuming her position cuddled up close to Nexus who secured his arm around her waist. Todd stood over them and reached out to stroke his nails through Juno’s silvered hair, down to where Nexus was anxiously winding a strand around his fingers. Todd stilled the younger wraith’s worried fiddling, and lifted the edge of the damaged coat to bring it up a bit higher. . 

Carson could just make out Todd’s rumbling purr and a soft humming from Juno. The tune sounded familiar but he couldn’t place the melody. Someone provided the answer; _[Rodney’s song]._

The doctor was struck once again by how much this unexpected sight lifted his spirits. Smiling to himself, he glanced up at the observation window and noticed that Sheppard had reappeared, looking fondly down at the strange bedfellows. Carson noticed that Todd had lifted his head and locked eyes with Sheppard. The Colonel gave an almost imperceptible nod, and the wraith Commander leaned down to rest his forehead against Nexus' for a brief moment. Then Todd turned to make his way over to the doctor. 

Carson smiled at Nexus. “Get some rest, son. I’ll pop by and check on you a wee bit later. And Juno?”

“Hmm? Yes?”

He was going to tell her not to stay too long and remind her that she needed her rest as well. Instead, he just yawned and said, “we’re overdue for tea and a good blether. Tomorrow, eh?”

“Sounds lovely, Dr. Beckett.”

Carson found that the hospital room was getting a bit fuzzy around the edges, indicating that he was well past due to pass out in his quarters. That would probably explain why, when Todd gestured to the door, Carson misunderstood and thought the wraith was offering his arm like an English gentleman. It was only when Todd hadn’t moved for a while that the doctor focused his tired mind and noticed the wraith’s bewildered expression. He then looked down and discovered that he’d looped his own arm through the wraith's and was hanging onto Todd’s elbow. 

“Huh. Now would ye look at that.” Carson was now having real trouble working out how to get his arm back out. The doctor looked up at Todd, to see that his devilish grin had returned. He took a closer look at the situation and discovered that the wraith’s free hand was fixed firmly over the top of his own fingers. _Oh._

“Come then, Dr. Beck-ett.” Todd shared a silent farewell with the oblivious pair and then steered them both towards the door.

“Och aye, the noo,” he mumbled.

And that was how Carson found himself being escorted out of his own infirmary by a rather courtly Todd the wraith. 

  
  


***************************


	9. Sheppard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was going through Sheppard's mind while watching in horror as Todd ‘healed’ Nexus and almost lost the young wraith? It all leaves John with a lot to think about. Will he manage to understand what it means to have Todd as his ‘brother’?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much has been made of Todd and John’s connection ever since the wraith gave him the Gift of Life during the Common Ground episode. Considering John’s aversion to telepathic communication (and the travesty of the show being canceled) we never got to know enough about how this all works or whether John and Todd ever progressed past all of the mistrust that plagued their alliance. 
> 
> I guess this series of fics has really been all about this. From way back in part #1, I’ve been trying to articulate my take on the whole ‘mind-speak’ thing...

**Before the Gifting…**

After Dr. Beckett had left the wounded Nexus alone with Todd, checking first that John was still watching from above, it had taken a good few minutes of silence before John flicked off the wall speaker. It was a bit hard to listen in on Wraith when they were speaking mind to mind. 

He kept his eyes on the wraith Commander as he had his ‘talk’ with Nexus. The younger wraith looked just like a new recruit, _a kid_ , barely old enough to enlist. John knew better. He figured Nexus had been around for a century or two, what with the way Wraith age and their hibernating. But seeing him down there, pale and exhausted, he just seemed so small and vulnerable next to Todd.

While John definitely wanted to know what they were saying, he wasn’t keen on that woozy, sick feeling that seemed to come with letting them touch his mind. Although he had to admit that it was still a huge step up from the hot-poker-slicing-through-brain-matter that went with resisting a queen. _Yeah, better not to go there..._

Down below he could see Todd deposit a small black object on the blanket between them; the wraith’s clasp. John was glad to see that it had made its way back to Nexus. The young officer had always been touching it when it was attached to his collar. After it had broken off during their first official team meeting with Nexus, the wraith had taken to fiddling with it in his pocket instead. Clearly it was important to him. John had almost missed it, camouflaged as it had been, sitting in a pool of congealed blood on the conference room floor.

Todd raised the bed into a semi-reclined position and then sat himself down on the edge, facing Nexus. John studiously ignored the strange feeling in his gut as he stared at the wraith Commander while he brought his forehead to rest against the younger wraith's. 

He felt his heart beat faster as Todd’s feeding hand set upon the young wraith’s chest. _Here we go,_ he thought. No need to panic. This is the good part, the Gift of Life. The part when everything is--

_warm-heated-hot tingling-rolling-building burning-fever-panting pleasure-frenzy-peaking_

\--going to be fine.

But that’s not what was happening. _What the hell--?_ The body of the young wraith officer was collapsing and drying out, leaving Nexus contorted in a rictus of pain. 

“Hey!” John banged his fist on the window and tried to get Todd’s attention. “What the hell are you doing?!”

He kept on beating at the glass, forgetting completely about its soundproofing. He was reaching for the switch on the wall speaker when he felt an all too familiar prodding sensation in his mind. _Todd_. He jerked away as if it burned. _No. No way._ But then it came again, this time softer, weaker, and he knew it wasn’t Todd this time. It was the kid. _Nexus?_

His head was overwhelmed by vertigo but then a peaceful feeling settled in, calming his disorientation. _Peaceful?_ How could Nexus feel peace when his life was being sucked away by-- 

A thick, heavy outpouring of **_[sorry-sheppard-trust]_ ** came from Todd then, and John was so worried about Nexus he leaned into the touch of Todd’s mind, allowing the wraith to hold their connection so that he could somehow _hear_ when Nexus conveyed;

_goodbye john sheppard_

_goodbye john_

_goodbye_

“Nexus!” Sheppard felt his panic as it clawed and scrabbled at him, and all he could do was press his head against the unmerciful glass. He _heard_ Todd’s attempt to reassure him--

**_hush, sheppard, all will be well._ **

\--only to then feel the wraith turn his mind away.

 _What? Well?!_ None of this made any sense. John let his frantic confusion take over and concentrated on demanding an explanation. His mind whirled in a chaotic frenzy of thoughts and questions as he glared down at Todd. 

John saw the moment that the elder wraith’s expression changed - when he realised that he couldn’t get a response out of Nexus. Something had gone very, very wrong. Todd responded by forcing Sheppard’s mind up and away from his own. John fought the urge to vomit as his mind was propelled up so fast his stomach heaved.

Sheppard could feel Todd’s mounting fear at what was happening. John writhed with sickening guilt and rising bile. 

**_no sheppard. the fault lies with me._ **

John refused to accept Todd’s admission. _Why did he let Todd go down there without him?_ His mind felt like a swollen warning, building with an intensity of emotion he would never normally share with anyone. John’s fury at what Todd had done to Nexus and his own self-loathing threatened to consume his mind before he focused it all on the wraith;

_[red-anger-fight-protect-save---_

_no-man-behind save---nexus_

**_go---todd---go----GO-NOW!_ ** _]._

The ancient wraith welcomed John’s explosive ferocity, using it to snap into action _._ The powerful mind gripped John’s in an iron hold, stopping him from battering himself against the window, or activating his comm. John wanted to rail against Todd, his mind screamed with his obligation to help Nexus. 

**_sheppard. John._ **

**_please._ **

John realised that if he didn’t stop struggling against Todd, there would be no way the wraith could save Nexus. He tried to still his desperate mind, squashing the instincts that pushed him to fight to bring the young wraith home. This was one rescue that would have to go ahead without him. His knees gave out at this thought and he eased his body down to the observation room floor. 

Time went kind of funny after that. He was giddy with _fast-too-fast-i-wanna-get-off_ as the clock on the wall counted off the seconds, but the gaps between ticks got longer and longer. 

John detected a slowly growing disturbance and his state of boneless compliance was shattered by an inhuman spine-chilling howl which spurred him into scrambling up off the floor and plastering himself against the window. 

Nexus was convulsing violently, head thrown back and screaming. But his body was whole again; a living, breathing fleshed-out green mass of skin and muscle and _oh holy hell thank you_. Todd's offhand was gripping Nexus, feeding hand still Gifting Life as the young officer was wracked with tremors. _Come on, Nexus. Come on, kid._

Finally, the young wraith stilled. Nexus opened his eyes, squinting against the light and then threw his arms around the elder wraith. John drew in a deep breath and held there for a beat. He released the trapped air, along with the fear and anger and some of the guilt. John’s hot breath clouded the glass, mercifully obscuring his view. 

He thought that he should probably check on Nexus and wiped his sleeve across the misted glass. The young wraith looked whole and healthy from where John was standing. Just to be sure, he keyed the wall speaker and called out, “Everybody okay down there?”

John only got a grunt of affirmation out of Todd and what sounded like faint purring from Nexus. 

Turning off the wall speaker, he tapped his earpiece and hailed Beckett. He described the state of the wraith’s health as best as he could. The doctor assured him that he’d check on Nexus after running a quick errand and grabbing yet another coffee. 

Gazing down at the reconciled wraith, cozy in the intimacy of their embrace, John was tempted to reach out to Todd through their connection. He could feel the warmth now radiating from the wraith’s mind. 

But then he recognised the sensation of his connection to Todd fading away, leaving him with the bitter memory of Nexus being drained of Life and the feeling of being blocked out.  John retreated from the brightness of the observation room and strode down the dark, cold hallway. 

**********

**After the Gifting...**

One hot shower and two scalding coffees later, and Sheppard still couldn’t seem to warm up. At least the shivering had stopped and he had settled into his familiar post-bad-mission state of numbness. Sort of. 

He wasn’t ready to face Todd yet, still reeling from the cold horror of seeing him drain Nexus. Yes, the wraith had given it all back and then some. And, yes, the additional life force had saved the young officer. But the whole thing had left him chilled to the bone. He took another sip of coffee.

And John didn’t really want to deal with Nexus just yet. The kid, the _officer_ , was probably hopped up on the Gift of Life, body vibrating with heat and energy, and still all connected with Todd. 

So instead of heading towards the hospital room, he returned to his position at the observation window in time to see that Carson had completed his checks and appeared to be tucking Nexus into bed. Honestly, the doctor even managed to make bedtime with a space vampire into something out of a comforting children’s cartoon. 

John was relieved to see Dr. Ashburn was there with them, but he wasn’t quite used to her grey hair yet. And he was completely stunned when she climbed up onto the bed and cuddled into the wraith’s side, head resting on his chest. Nexus seemed to like playing with her ash-coloured strands, wrapping them around his hand. Then, to top things off, Todd stood over them both, holding the younger wraith’s arm and brushing his fingers over the archivist’s silvered hair. _Is everyone buddies now?_

He took in the sad sight of the wraith’s coat draped over its equally sullen owner; holes in some places, rips in others. He wondered if Nexus might like one of the new expedition jackets. The box had been delivered by the Daedalus a few days ago, and he was still devising a method to assign them fairly amongst all the people he had clamouring for one. 

Distracted for a moment by his own shiny new jacket, _(man, they were comfortable)_ he looked back and startled when Todd’s inhuman eyes locked onto his own. There was a question lingering in their golden depths, and he nodded to the alien. It was their turn to… _talk_. 

Then, eyes widening in disbelief, he watched as Todd strolled towards the door with Carson, their arms linked amicably as he escorted the doctor out of the isolation room. _O-kayyy._

**********

"I… I fucked up,” admitted John, refusing to look away from that penetrating stare. “I wanted to keep the meeting with Radim on the down-low so I didn’t assign a backup detail. People got hurt. So… yeah. That’s all on me.”

He had decided to go for the straight-up, honest approach this time, hoping to get the uncomfortable discussion over with as quickly as possible. Todd, this time, was looming in front of the closed door, John’s only exit. 

“You care for Nexus,” Todd murmured, taking a step closer. 

“Well… you know. Stuff happened - even before the Genii thing - and, uh, the team thinks he’s… he’s kinda become… they like him well enough.”

“Hmm,” the wraith rumbled, seeing right through his attempt at playing it cool. _So much for straight up and honest._

“And I’m just, well, I’m just used to him now, I guess.” He resisted the urge to rub the back of his hair. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other instead.

“Nexus respects you. He even considers you someone he could follow.” The wraith said softly, crossing in front of John and watching him from the corner of his eye. “He cares for you too, Sheppard.” 

“Yeah, I kinda got that when he tried to say goodbye and die on me. Twice.” 

The wraith stopped and looked back at John, speaking over his shoulder. “It is customary to attempt to connect with our brethren if Life is leaving one of us behind. Nexus honoured you with his goodbyes, Sheppard.”

A lump was forming in the back of his throat. And his eyes felt a little wet. He jammed his fists into his pockets as he attempted to swallow the lump and took a deep breath. Todd was facing him now so John stared at the wraith’s boots while he pulled himself together.

“Do I only... worry about him because he attached himself to my mind?” But what he wanted to ask was, _is that why I care about you?_

“No, Sheppard. You worry about Nexus because you recognise his attempts to be a part of your hive.” John looked up to meet Todd’s eyes and saw a hint of fondness there. “You have witnessed what he is willing to do to help your people and it makes you want to protect him in return.” 

The dual-toned gravel voice helped to rumble away some of John’s distrust. “So this mind… link. It was just a mode of communication. Like our comms. Our earpieces.”

Todd chuckled. “I suppose you could look at it that way.” 

John felt satisfied for a moment until his thoughts turned to Juno. “But Dr. Ashburn. It seemed… and then she was… and the hair and the not talking…”

“Hmmm,” Todd acknowledged. “Nexus… already had a connection, we call it a _filum_ , with Doctor Juno Ashburn. One that, I assure you, was mutual. But, yes, he went beyond the conditions of such a link.”

“What did he do? Did he… take control of her or something?” He didn’t expect Todd to reach out and touch him; his large hand landing heavily on his shoulder. But he found he didn’t mind.

“Not exactly, Sheppard.” And John could detect the wraith’s apprehension even on that stoic face of his. 

“He offered to help her when she couldn't bring herself to end that Genii piece of filth.” There was no mistaking the snarl contorting his features now. Todd’s hand squeezed and John shivered. “Nexus projected his mind into hers and… helped her remove the weapon from the human’s throat.”

“Helped.” He flinched a bit at the bitter sound of scorn in his voice. Todd removed his hand. John’s shoulder felt bare. 

“You must understand, Sheppard,” the wraith argued, stepping away and putting some distance between them again, “that Nexus did not have the strength to stand and fight and Doctor Ashburn did not have the resolve to extinguish a life. So, he asked to assist her and she consented.”

John suspected that Juno didn’t really understand what she was consenting to. 

Todd huffed in frustration, turning towards the observation window. “This is not something that a Wraith would do lightly. In fact, most Wraith cannot do this at all.”

“And we got the one Wraith who can? Lucky us.” John leaned back against the glass.

“Sheppard,” Todd growled warningly, leaning forward to rest his clenched fists on the window ledge. “Dr. Ashburn will be well. Nexus has... apologised.” 

John thought about how hard it seemed to be for Todd to tell him that. He looked over his shoulder and down at the archivist and the wraith officer curled up together in the bed below. 

“Sheppard. The link between Nexus and Dr. Ashburn grows ever stronger,” the wraith had turned his head to look at him. “Because they _both_ wish it. They exchange one’s comfort for the other’s strength. They are in balance, in harmony. They are _hive_.”

“Hive,” John echoed, eyes glued to the human and the wraith below. A place where you don’t have to try to explain everything. “Because they fought together, right? Protected each other.” 

Again, what he really wanted to ask was; _what about us? Are we hive?_

“There are many ways to forge a connection. Protecting one another from harm. Living and working side by side...” Todd paused there. John could see him in his peripheral vision, turning slowly until his towering frame faced him. The wraith leaned in, “...the giving or receiving of Life.” 

John’s head snapped away from the sleeping pair and looked right at the wraith. He froze, caught between _wanting_ to turn away and _needing_ to get a little closer. 

He changed the direction of their talk instead. With every utterance, they moved forward, drawn in bit by bit.

“So… Nexus will be returning to the hive soon, I guess?” _Saunter_.

“Yessss,” Todd hissed softly. “In a day or so.” _Step_.

“It looks like Juno - Dr. Ashburn - will be sorry to see him go.” _Inch_.

“Yessss. I suppose she will.” _Edge_.

“She might even be a bit, uh, lonely without him.” _Lean_.

“And I imagine that he may experience some loneliness as well.” _Loom_.

“Yeah?”

The wraith paused, mere inches away. “You realise that I, too, will be departing."

“Well, sure. I mean, that was my assumption.” 

Todd was now so close, in fact, that John could make out the colour variations in his eyes. _Gold, yellow, amber… there were even some silvery striations..._

John’s heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest and the wraith leaned in ever so slightly, his mouth now right next to John’s ear. But John’s fists were still jammed into his pockets and the wraith was making it hard for him to think. 

“Sheppard,” the wraith purred, his breath dancing over John’s cheek. 

Todd reached out his offhand in a welcoming gesture. When Sheppard didn’t move Todd just went ahead and wrapped his leather-clad arm around John’s shoulders and gently pulled him in. John _wanted_ to believe that this was a terrible idea, but he _needed_ to rest his forehead against the cool leather of Todd’s coat and once he had done that, he didn’t care anymore. 

John felt the wraith’s other arm slide around his back and he pressed into the reassuring embrace. He let his body go a little slack, arms by his sides, and Todd just held him up. Fingers traveled up the back of his neck so that sharp claws could etch circles into his scalp. 

He had the presence of mind to think _lock_ at the door to the hallway and then rock them both slowly around. It took his remaining willpower to stop the soothing sway of their bodies once the wraith’s back was facing the observation window, blocking anyone from seeing him like this.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there like that before he felt Todd start to pull away. John impulsively threw his arms around the wraith’s waist and pulled him back in. He had a feeling that Todd needed this just as much as he did. Probably more. 

Much like John, the wraith stood there stiffly for a moment before releasing the breath he’d been holding. He let his chin drop onto John’s shoulder and brought his arms up again to wrap tightly around his back. John turned his face into Todd’s neck and they just stood there, pressed together and hanging on for dear life. 

“Okay,” he mumbled into Todd’s neck. 

“Sheppard?”

“Do it.” He tensed up and had to take some big gulps of air and focus on the wraith’s nails, trailing up and down along his back. There was a gentle tugging and then--

**_john_ **

It was just one word. 

Except for the fact that it really wasn’t. 

It was the wraith’s strong embrace that he felt around himself but turned inward. It was _red-warmth_ and **_blue-heat_** and **_white-fever_** passing through his skin, working their way to the very core of his being. 

It was both _duty_ climbing up from his toes and _care_ descending from just above his head, merging in the middle to form **_protection_** and **_devotion_**. It was _never leaving a man behind_ and **_there is much about Wraith that you do not know._**

Todd thought about **_nexus_** and **_soli_** and something called a **_stella-tenux_ ** , and in the dark, the wraith began building Atlantis out of filmy walls and opaque floors. John joined in with creating the photo-negative city; imagining rooms, stairs, windows, balconies. And there, down in the white-on-black isolation room, a purple orb **_[nexus]_ ** ignited next to a scattering of silver stars **_[juno]_**. A thick white rope **_[vinculum]_ ** extended up to a blue-white mass **_[i-am-this]_ ** and another went from there to **_[you-john]_ ** a warning red light. _Red. That’s right._

And John knew that Todd had to call on Nexus for this next part. From the purple orb there extended a fragile thread **_[filum]_ ** that shot off across their spectral city and down into the bowels of the conjured labs to meet a frenetic Day-Glo orange mass guarded by neon atoms flinging wildly around itself.

_RODNEY!_

**_doctor-mckay, yes._** Todd was amused by John’s inability to control his internal volume.

They went back to purple and then out again, this time following a softly glowing forest-green line as it wound slowly through corridors to the living quarters. John saw two green spheres; one tiny and one dark. But neither felt like _Teyla_. 

**_look again john._ **

He looked. And then he _saw_ and _oh, my god she’s everywhere_. The _whole room_ was bathed in soothing forest light and it was all _her_ and she was holding the minds of her child and partner within her own and he just knew that they were untouchable... 

_TEYLA!_

**_steelflower_ **

...and her mind solidified, shielding her family from view. She turned her mind and sent an inquiring green pulse towards Nexus who relayed this to Todd. Tucked in behind the blue-white mass, John couldn’t _hear_ when she spoke. He could see the back and forth of their coloured pulses; Teyla’s started out a disturbing noxious green and Todd’s were a benign blue. John sensed his name pass through the link and the neon green faded back to forest. Todd awakened an old connection of his own between himself and Teyla, and she accepted.

**_high commander. nexus is recovered. _ **Her speech was stiff, bordering on unfriendly.

**_my apologies, teyla-emmagan-steelflower._ ** John heard _deference_ but knew Todd all too well.

**_I bring you john-sheppard-colonel._ **

**_move aside, wraith._**

The blue-white _solis_ curved around to sit behind him. John didn’t know what he was meant to do. His mind felt a soft nudge from Todd.

_TEYLA!_ He can feel her amusement at his shouting.

_SORRY!_

**_peace, john._ **

**_i am pleased to share this with you._ **

_SHARE WHAT?_

_**this** _ **.**

He watched in awe as she expanded her mind, forest-green blanketing the distance between them as she traveled closer. When the outer edge of green met his own diminutive red, it was as if the storm cloud that he never knew was suspended above him had broken wide open, letting the rain fall. She was showering his mind with **_sheppard-leader-guide-friend-john_** and she washed away all of the _failings_ and the _hurtings_ and the _wrong-wrong-wrong_. He felt clean and fresh like his soul has been saturated in **_team-family-belonging_** and for some reason he was included and so he accepted her gift.

_WHAT IS THIS?_

**_this is hive, john._ **

**_i am yours and_ **

**_you are mine._ **

And his words buckled and his thoughts blurred, even in this mental space. So he couldn’t say _thank you_ or convey that he was _undeserving,_ and he couldn’t show her what it all _meant_ or that he _understands_. He didn’t know how to project his _solis [red-protect-always]_ or share that it was Nexus _[purple-officer-team]_ that made this possible. 

Or that Todd _[blue-white]..._ that Todd __[ally]...__ that he...

**_i see you john._ **

**_i hear you._ **

**_i know._ **

And as she turned away and receded from his mind, he found that he was just a little bit lost. Todd’s mind curved right the way around his now, reminding him of where he was. 

Nexus must not have had any other links, a fact for which John was relieved, but more minds **_[soli, john]_ ** appeared in the dark. They were all pale white flecks suspended against the backdrop of the dark city; some clustered in the mess hall, others dotted throughout the living quarters and a few outliers moving in pairs. _Marines on patrol._

Todd’s mind moved them forward and out across the city, passing over, under and even through some of the _soli_. They left a wide gap between themselves and a particularly bright white mind, and John sensed that Todd was none too eager to go near it. _Ha._

_RONON!_ John heard the wraith’s growl as their _soli_ returned to the observation room. 

John looked at the dark constellation of minds, thinking about the time he sat in the control chair and thought about where he was in the galaxy.

Todd was thinking about the night sky above that godawful Genii planet.

John thought about Todd’s blue-white _solis_ and his star tattoo.

Todd pictured his hand splayed on John’s chest.

John recalled his fear and then the _pain._

Todd replayed the Gift of Life…

...and John remembered.

**_brother_ **

_brother_

And then Todd sent John a _question_ and John said _yes_ so quickly he heard the wraith laugh. The rumble felt good against his chest. He opened his eyes, lifted his hand, and carefully traced the raised star around Todd’s gilded eye.

**_hive_ **

“Hive.”

**********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go... :)


	10. Juno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juno dozes off and dreams of the attack but this time Nexus is right there to help. 
> 
> The wraith is then visited by Dr. McKay, Sheppard, and Todd, who come to check on him before turning in for the night. Juno sits right next to the almost-recovered wraith and tries to avoid having to say goodnight to him too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, this chapter was a bit of a monster that refused to be tamed! At one point it ballooned out to a whopping 10,000 words! It is now under control, thanks in large part to the amazing beta Bagheerita. :)
> 
> But now it is done, woohoo!!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this story, or on the series so far. I appreciate all of the feedback and encouragement so much! :)

Juno must have dozed off for a moment.

_[_ _inky blood at her back. seeping, sticking, drying. dead eyes everywhere]_

She felt Nexus cup her hot cheek in his cool offhand. 

_[_ _blood on her face. metallic, hot, clinging. gaping wound weeping red-red-red]_

“ _Stella-nix_ ?” The wraith’s spoken words were echoed in her mind with _stella-nix mea. i am here_.

_[pools of blood, berry-red and inky-black, spreading and congealing._

_little lost Iratus, drowning_

_and a gold pen etching out a cursive death]_

Nexus slipped one of the Iratus clasps into her hand and Juno pressed her thumb down on one of its sharply pointed legs. Her eyes sprung open and she stared down at his precious totem.

“I was dreaming about my pen. The one my grandfather gave me for my twenty-first birthday.” Juno sighed sadly, her thumb worrying at the bug in her hand. “The pen that we used that night to... the one that’s gone now.” 

She hesitated for a moment, thinking of her precious fountain pen. Remembering how the colours swirled within the resin; amber, gold, ochre, onyx. _Just like his eyes…_

_[his eyes staring at her under the table, imploring her to help him]_

Nexus stared at her with those very mournful amber eyes. The wraith’s feeding hand fluttered nervously at her waist. He shared down their _filum_ that he wanted to _take_ and _erase_ , so that she would be able to _forget_ , but he didn’t. Instead, Juno felt his mind wrap around her own, calming her fears with _silver stella-nix_ and _blue-white mine_ and _purple hive-hive-hive_. 

  
  


*************************************************

  
  


“Oh, well, isn’t this just wonderful,” Rodney sniped as he stomped into the isolation room. 

Juno shot up from the wraith’s side and sat on the edge of the bed, as Rodney flumped down into the plastic chair. Nexus made a pouty chirrup noise in protest and nudged her gently with his knee. She returned the Iratus clasp to its twin in the wraith’s lap and smiled shyly.

The irritated scientist dumped a platter of doughnuts on her lap and immediately swiped one from the pile. He took a huge bite, powdered sugar dusting his shirt, and mumbled on through his rant. “You know, I went to all the trouble of snaffling these doughnuts away from my minions (totally useless by the way, the lot of them) only to waste my precious time waiting at the piano for a certain soprano to get her sad self down to the music room. And guess where she is? Hmmmm?”

“Oh, Dr. McKay, I’m so sorry!” Her apology would probably sound more convincing if it wasn’t spoken around a mouthful of heavenly deep-fried dough. From the wraith’s mind, Juno caught a brief impression of whirling _indignance_ at Rodney for scolding her and a surge of _protect_ and _stellanix-mea_ . But she really had meant to attend the rehearsal. Despite her inability to actually hold a conversation after the attack, she’d reasoned with herself that music and singing might prove therapeutic. Juno patted the wraith's knee and tried to send him _calm_ and _thanks_.

The piano project had grown somewhat since the evening that Nexus had observed them. Dr. McKay had recruited Dr. Zelenka and his violin, Dr. Kusanagi (who owned a double bass that was almost bigger than the scientist herself), and it turned out that Colonel Sheppard wasn’t bad on the guitar. It was worth going along just to see Rodney in his element as both the pianist and their conductor. At first he would use his baton to direct their ensemble but then later he’d inevitably employ it as a weapon, mostly aimed at the poor Colonel. 

She distractedly took another bite of her pillowy doughnut. She wondered who had made them. _Mmmm, heaven_. When she couldn’t prevent herself from uttering a small groan of pleasure, Nexus shot her a heated look. Fumbling with the platter, Juno offered him one.

Flicking a look of uncertainty at her and then Rodney, Nexus selected a doughnut, picking it up delicately between his thumb and forefinger. He lifted it to his lips, pausing to inhale its scent and his eyes lit up. “Vanilla!”

Juno gave him a coy look of her own. 

Nexus smiled, his tone light and teasing. “It would seem that everything wonderful smells of vanilla.” Juno felt herself blush furiously so she ducked her head and stared intently at her half-eaten pastry. 

Rodney looked from one to the other, clearly lost. “Er, right. Do a lot of baking with vanilla, eh, Nexus?”

“Not at all, Doctor McKay,” the wraith replied flippantly, taking a large bite of the doughnut. 

The wraith’s curiosity quickly turned to displeasure as a healthy dollop of jam dropped onto his bare chest, provoking a vexed growl. Without thinking, Juno reached out and wiped up the red jelly with her finger, and then sucked it clean. The wraith’s breath hitched in his throat, eyes glued to her mouth. Juno licked her lower lip self-consciously, her heart beating way too fast. She wanted to lean in and take care of that last little smear of jam by his tattoo...

“Hey. Juno.” Rodney’s rapidly clicking fingers shook her out of their reverie. “ _Hello_. I was complaining about my distinct lack of a vocalist and you, Dr. Ashburn, were attempting to look suitably apologetic.” 

Rodney gave up on his rant and watched in growing amusement as Nexus worked the doughnut mixture around his mouth and struggled to swallow the sticky paste. Nexus huffed in defeat and ended up spitting the sticky goo into his offhand. 

The sight of such a powerful creature glaring in disgust at the discarded confection, now held out as far away from his body as he could reach, had both Juno and Rodney chuckling with laughter. Nexus redirected his glare at them, curling his lip in disdain, gearing up to admonish their rudeness. But, instead, he accidentally inhaled some of the powdered sugar from the doughnut remains still clutched in his other hand. This resulted in an almighty sneeze which sent the doughnut bouncing its way down the salvaged material of his beloved jacket, barely missing the Iratus bugs in his lap and leaving a trail of dusty white and sticky red. 

Juno had the good sense at that point to adopt an appropriate look of concern. The wraith snarled at the remorseless physicist who was still laughing. “Do you actually find this amusing, Doctor McKay?”

“Um, yes?” Rodney managed to reign in his hysterical laughter but didn’t bother suppressing his mocking grin.

Nexus swung the gloop in his offhand in Rodney's direction. “Would you care for the remnants of my sugared roll?”

“Um, no.” Lifting his chin, Rodney and Nexus made a fine pair, facing off with their near-identical looks of contempt. 

Hopping down from her perch to hide her smirk, Juno walked over to Carson’s workstation and retrieved some paper towels. She poured Nexus a glass of water from the jug by the bed, then did her best to help clean up the irate wraith and then wipe down his battered jacket. 

Juno saw Nexus level a powerful glare at the doughnut platter. She could foresee it ending up on the floor so she scooped it off the bed and looked around for an available surface.

“Um, hello!” Rodney demanded, standing up and making grabby hands at the half-empty tray. Abandoning his seat, he plonked himself on the end of the bed. “I refuse to sit in that sorry excuse for a chair a moment longer. You know, considering the amount of time people spend in those plastic torture devices, worrying by the bedside of their loved ones, you’d think someone would have designed something far more comfortable by now.” 

Juno was intending to sit in the offending chair when Nexus shuffled over a little more to make room for her at the head of the bed, careful to maintain his defensive posture and impressive pout. She glanced quickly at the physicist before making up her mind and sitting beside the wraith at the head of the bed. 

Rodney wriggled and fussed until Nexus let out a resentful huff and threw one of his pillows at him. “You’re lucky that didn’t land in the doughnuts, Nexus,” the scientist warned while jamming the pillow between his stiff back and the bed frame. 

Much happier back in her spot by his side, Juno looped her right hand under the wraith’s arm, skimming down his forearm until she could interlace their fingers. She plucked the Iratus clasps from the wraith’s lap and tucked them into the space between their palms, coaxing Nexus to relax a little. “Perhaps doughnuts aren’t the best supper. My Grand-Caelus would certainly not have approved. Although he did love strawberry jam.”

“I’m sorry, grand-what?” Rodney demanded. Nexus turned and looked at her curiously.

“Caelus,” she repeated, feeling a tad self-conscious under their scrutiny. “I used to call my grandfather ‘grand-caelus’. It was a… a… thing. Just between us.” Nexus just frowned and then looked away. _Strange_. 

If Rodney was thrown by the odd title, he didn’t show it. He just looked thoughtful. “Huh. Well. I’m the last person to poke fun at bizarre names. Let’s just say I know a thing or two about that.”

Relieved that she didn’t have to go into more detail, she followed with a question of her own. “Surely a name like ‘Rodney’ couldn’t garner as much unwanted childhood attention as ‘Juno’?”

The scientist just rolled his eyes. “Ah, my dear Juno, you’d be surprised what kids find funny. But, no, it wasn’t ‘Rodney’ that got them going. Unfortunately, I grew up surrounded by an abundance of stupid.”

Juno was surprised to feel _lonely-juno_ and _lonely-mckay_ from Nexus, followed by a stab of fear at the thought of _no-hive_ . Not that the wraith would ever express his empathy towards Rodney. Juno managed to reassure Nexus with _happy-juno-little-hurtings_ and _mckay-sheppard-team-hive_. 

She almost missed a very faint _lonely-nexus_ from the wraith, and immediately flooded him with _nexus-mine-hive._

Juno looked over at Rodney and sighed. It was clear that the man's sarcasm covered up the difficulties lurking in his past. Behind that steely glare, pain flitted across the his baby blue eyes. “Dr. McKay-- .”

“Now don’t you start,” he said, cutting her off with a dismissive wave of his hand. “There will be no Greek chorus wailing for my troubled youth, thank you very much.”

“But-- .”

“Look. Everything I experienced just helped cultivate me into the indomitable genius I am today.”

Now it was the wraith’s turn to stifle a laugh. 

  
  


******************

  
  


“And why weren’t we invited to the slumber party?” The Colonel’s distinctive drawl carried from the doorway. He made his way over to the bed with Todd in his wake. 

Sheppard grabbed the last doughnut, ignoring McKay’s indignant squawk. The wraith Commander bent his head to sniff at the pastry, only for Nexus to lurch forward in protest. Todd made a wise choice and backed away from the doughnut. 

“To answer your question, Colonel _Doughnut-Stealer_ , maybe because this party is _exclusive_. Invite only, VIPs - you know. It means no Colonels with permanent bed-head allowed. Or any shaggy-haired sidekicks,” Rodney jeered, shaking his empty tray at them. 

John took a lazy bite and levelled a withering look at McKay. “VIPs, eh? Only the best for our resident celebrity.”

Rodney narrowed his eyes at the Colonel. “Oh, he was hardly flying under the radar before, Sheppard.”

“Celebrity?” Nexus queried. Juno was also curious. Todd looked at his young officer proudly.

Sheppard rolled his eyes at McKay before turning to the young wraith. “Yeah, uh, Nexus. Word may have got out about how you heroically saved Woolsey from the Genii.” 

“John,” Todd prompted, looking at him expectantly.

“ _John_?” Rodney’s eyebrows looked set to fly right off his forehead. Juno was glad he couldn’t see that Todd’s offhand was currently resting on the Colonel’s shoulder.

“Alright, alright, _Todd_ ,” Sheppard continued, darting a guilty look at Rodney before settling back on Nexus. “How you saved _all_ of us.” 

“Heroically,” Juno prompted, earning a resigned sigh from Sheppard and a flare of _affection_ from Nexus. 

“Fine. How you _heroically_ saved all of us.”

“Huh,” mused the physicist. He tore a piece off his doughnut and popped it in his mouth. “I should probably say thank you for the, you know, all of the life saving and such.” 

The others waited expectantly. Realising that everyone was watching him, Rodney looked at each one of them in turn. “What?”

“Anyway… hey, so a little birdie told me… ,” the Colonel trailed off when he caught the quizzical expressions of both Wraith. Sheppard started again. “Okay, so, a big wraith may have let the cat out of the bag about… Oh, for crying out loud. Nexus, Todd said you're bummed about your coat.” 

He passed his partially eaten doughnut to Todd, who held it awkwardly in his feeding hand. They all watched as Sheppard unfurled the black lump he’d stashed under his arm and shook it out. “I thought maybe this’d do until you get back to your, er, hive.” 

Juno was surprised to see that it was one of the new Atlantis expedition jackets, identical to the Colonel’s. She felt their _filum_ come alive with electrified pulses of _want_ and _team_ and _mine_ and she turned to look at the ecstatic wraith. But to her right, Nexus had simply lifted his chin a fraction of an inch. The wraith simply said, “I suppose it would be acceptable.”

Todd looked distinctly amused but Sheppard looked doubtful at the wraith’s reaction, uncertain whether or not to hand it over. “I, uh, grabbed a t-shirt too. We can’t have you wandering around the city shirtless.” 

Seconds passed in silence as Juno looked first at the jacket and t-shirt hanging from Sheppard’s outstretched hand and then at the doughnut being ignored by Todd. Juno lunged over and swiped the items from Colonel and Commander. She tossed the pastry to a triumphant Rodney and thrust the clothes at Nexus. “No one else has even gotten a look at these new jackets yet. Just put it on.”

Nexus was soon sitting up tall, dressed in the tight-fitting black t-shirt and sleek black leather expedition jacket. The new jackets were tailored beautifully; slim-lined with a long silver zipper that went halfway up the wraith’s throat. The collar was upstanding and the obligatory Atlantis patch was placed high up on the sleeve. The wraith looked good. _Really good..._

Sheppard’s wolf whistle jarred her from her thoughts. “Lookin’ good there, Nex.” 

“It is a fine coat indeed, brother,” Todd rumbled. Juno watched Nexus as his face lit up with an unguarded grin of pride. 

Juno reached up to his collar and ran her fingers along the inside, freeing his soft hair and letting it fall across his shoulders. As she removed her hand, she brushed the back of his neck, feeling the raised lines of his tattoos. Nexus shivered and looked down at her. Juno stared right back, momentarily lost in amber, gold, ochre and _want_ and _stella-nix_ and _nexus_ and _mine_. 

“Ahem. Hey, Dr. Ashburn, don’t think you’re getting away empty-handed,” Sheppard teased.

“Call me Juno, please Colonel,” she replied, wondering what he could possibly have for her. 

“The same big green birdie _may_ have passed on a message from, uh, another green birdie, concerning a certain gold fountain pen,” Sheppard explained. Juno couldn’t help the wave of hope that swelled within her. “Now wait a sec, Doc. We had to send your pen along with the incident report to Earth. But instead, I brought you a-- _hey!_ ”

Growing impatient, Todd had whipped out the item from the Colonel’s back pocket and presented it with a flourish. McKay groaned and slumped back against his pillow. “Trust you to have one of those. What are you - twelve?”

Juno was touched. “A lightsaber pen?”

Nexus nodded enthusiastically, recognising the novelty item. “That is correct. From your Star Wars. I believe it was wielded by Colonel Sheppard’s friend, the Skywalker.”

“Ha! You hear that, Sheppard? Your _friend_. Yeah, right,” Rodney crowed. Seeing the young wraith’s confused frown, he added, “if Luke Skywalker’s his friend then I’m about due to slip into my gold bikini.”

“I do not believe that is suitable attire for a work environment, Doctor McKay,” Nexus advised, the very picture of absolute seriousness. 

Todd gazed quizzically at the pen in his hand. “This is rather small to be considered a weapon, Sheppard.”

“It’s not an actual-- oh, just give it here!” But Todd easily held it up out of John’s reach and looked rather impressed with himself. “Oh, real mature, _Todd_. Now, who’s twelve?” John refused to jump for it. “It’s not just any lightsaber pen, thank you very much. It’s an anniversary edition platinum pen that does this really cool thing when you-- _goddammit Todd!_ ”

The wraith had removed the cap and pressed down on the nib, which made the lightsaber glow a bright blue and emit the requisite sound effects. Juno had no idea that there were Star Wars fountain pens. _Nice._

Rodney was back to leaning in. “Okay, so that might be a little bit awesome.” 

“I agree,” Todd intoned. He held the pen out in front of him, his head tilted to one side. The eerie blue rod reflected in his yellow eyes. “Sheppard, you need to acquire one of these for my hive.”

“Commander, if I may?” Nexus waited for Todd to nod his approval. The Commander moved around the bed to stand beside Nexus and passed him the pen. “I believe that this is a scale representation only. The real lightsabers are much larger. And they are more like a... sword. A sword of _pure energy._ Colonel Sheppard should requisition one of those for you instead.”

Rodney looked fit to burst from maniacal happiness and hissed, “Exactly how much did you tell Nexus about _Star Wars_? And how exactly did you manage to leave out a pretty important fact there, Colonel Idiot? You know, the part where it’s all _made up_.”

“Shut up, McKay,” Sheppard warned. Juno, who had swiped the pen from Nexus, had turned it on again and was trying to resist swooshing it around. She noticed Sheppard glaring at her too. He added, “And it wasn’t _me_ who first told him anything.”

“Hey! I only mentioned Star Wars to him once.” Juno was absolutely not taking the blame on this one. 

Sheppard spluttered, “only once? Doc, you named him after the Death Star! And-- ."

“Wait,” Rodney interrupted, hand up in the Colonel’s face. “Juno, you named him after the Death Star?”

She couldn’t exactly deny that. “Well, yes, but-- .”

But Sheppard wasn’t quite done yet. “The poor guy had no idea what you were talking about-- .”

“ _Poor guy_?” Rodney was incredulous. 

“--so I had no choice but to explain... a little.” Sheppard crossed his arms in defiance.

Juno knew that was a wild understatement. She pointed the miniature lightsaber at the Colonel’s chest and asked, “A little?” John shuffled on the spot.

Rodney gestured to the younger wraith, who was in the middle of weighing up the pros and cons of X-wings versus Tie Fighters, and holding Todd’s rapt attention. “Nexus seems to know every piece of Star Wars trivia pertaining to weaponry and space ships!”

But Juno didn’t hear the Colonel’s reply as her comm chirped loudly in her ear, followed by Carson’s exhausted thick brogue. _“Now what’s all this I hear about a party going on in my isolation room, eh?”_

“Um.” _Oh, dear._

  
  


**********************

  
  


Juno turned to Colonel Sheppard for help, but he seemed to be deep in conversation with Mr. Woolsey. “Yes, Mr. Woolsey… look, I know… it’s just that… well, you see…” Sheppard hung his head and listened quietly. “Yes sir, I’ll get them all to vacate the isolation room... I know.... Nexus needs his rest.” 

Juno wondered if the Colonel would ask her to leave the isolation room too. She was reluctant to go but didn’t want to argue with Sheppard. Her eavesdropping was cut short by a frustrated Scotsman in her ear again, _“--Are ye even listening to me at all, Juno?”_

“I am. I absolutely am. Totally listening to you, Dr. Beckett.” 

_“Ye shouldnae be crowdin’ the wraith when he’s all peely-wally.”_ The moment the man launched into the need for Nexus to rest, Juno tuned back into Sheppard’s half of his conversation with Mr. Woolsey. “Yeah, Nexus did do a really brave thing… I’m sure the IOA will agree with you on that… an award? Don’t you think that’s going a bit too-- .”

Juno smirked at the thought of Nexus’ confusion at receiving some kind of certificate for risking his life to save Mr. Woolsey.

“Oh yeah, he really liked the jacket.” At that, the Colonel glanced over at Nexus who was still discussing Star Wars with Todd. Juno just couldn’t help herself and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

_“Oh, ye think this is funny do ye?”_

“What? Oh, no, sorry Dr. Beckett-- .”

_“I should think so. Now, ye shoo all those rowdy buggers out o’ there, including that big lummox of a physicist!”_

“I will, Dr. Beckett. Right now, in fact.” Gosh, she’d come to think of Carson as such a softie when it came to his patients. A sort of human Care Bear; all fuzzy tartan fur and twinkly blue eyes. _Clearly not today._ She tried to hurry the doctor off the comm. “I’m so sorry the nurses woke you. Go back to sleep, okay? Sweet dreams!”

 _“G’night, Juno-lass.”_ Click. 

Juno glanced at Colonel Sheppard who sighed. “Yes… yes... Okay… alright! Er, goodnight, Mr. Woolsey.” He switched off his comm and looked over at Todd, adopting a look of wary suspicion.

“John," the wraith rumbled. "I believe you have been deliberately withholding valuable information regarding Earth's spacecraft technology. You and I will need to... talk.” Todd grinned and Juno noted that, while Nexus looked endearingly earnest when he smiled, Todd somehow looked both dangerous and charming in equal measure.

The elder wraith strolled back around the bed while addressing his young brother. “Nexus, I believe it would be best if you allow yourself to rest now.”

Before returning to Sheppard’s side, Todd paused and looked at Juno. “Perhaps you should also get some rest?”

Juno glanced quickly at Nexus, who looked back at her with big, hopeful eyes.

“I’ll, um, leave in a little bit,” she lied, avoiding Todd’s eyes entirely.

“Of course, Doctor Ashburn.” Todd inclined his head. She felt his powerful _solis_ barrel down her _filum_ from Nexus.

**_i did not mean for you to rest alone_ **

_thank you, guide_ She tried to send him her _understandings_ and _relief_.

_my thanks, brother_ Nexus fired his _gratitude_ along to his Commander.

Todd's mind swelled with _hive_. Right before his mind retreated, Juno felt an intense flash of _brother-pull-need-you_ and the wraith Commander immediately turned his attention back to _brother-john-mine_.

“And thank you, Colonel Sheppard.” Juno rolled the lightsaber pen between her fingers. 

“Yessss. Thank you,” echoed Nexus, toying with his zipper. _Did the Wraith have zippers?_

Rodney sighed dramatically. “Oh. Well, I guess we’re going then? Now that you’ve given out all of your presents to your _real friends_.”

Juno raised an eyebrow. “Feeling a little left out there, Rodney?”

She laughed as the scientist raised his chin into battle position. “You jest but you know perfectly well that excluding people is deeply hurtful, thank you very much.”

“Says Mr. VIP,” quipped Sheppard.

“I have absolutely no problem excluding _other_ people. I’ve had a lifetime of being left out of things, so you shouldn’t flounce in here with your fancy jackets and shiny trinkets and deliberately leave me out.” Rodney accentuated his point by gesturing wildly with the doughnut tray. 

Sheppard paused. “McKay? You want me to get _you_ a new jacket?” 

Juno grinned at the seemingly unaffected physicist as Rodney considered the offer. “Depends. What do you want in return?”

“Some of that chocolate you have stashed in your quarters should do it.”

Juno was suddenly _very_ interested in their conversation. “You have chocolate?”

“I suppose that would be acceptable, Sheppard.” Rodney nodded, then turned his imperious look on Juno. “And I _might_ have chocolate. It depends entirely on who’s asking _and_ what they’re willing to give me for it.”

“Doctor McKay,” Nexus curled his upper lip, revealing the tips of his sharp teeth. “It is obviously Juno who is asking, and she need not give you anything. If she desires this choc-o-late, then she shall have it.”

Rodney only responded by narrowing his eyes at the young wraith. Beside her, Nexus let out a low growl. She squeezed his hand and sent him _peace_ along with her fond amusement all wrapped around _my-hero_.

A soft groan drew their attention to the Colonel. Rodney made some kind of astonished squawking noise. 

John groaned yet again as Todd dug his long, skilled fingers into the Colonel’s sore shoulders. “Todd... what are you… wow, that’s… okay, yeah, just to the right a bit… ungh.” Under Todd’s skilful ministrations, Juno could barely make out his mumbled question, “what did I do to deserve this then?” 

“I do not possess any chocolate, John,” Todd rumbled, a hint of mischief in his low voice. Sheppard made a confused noise. “Well, what else am I to trade for a new Lantean jacket?”

At that revelation, the room erupted into outraged noises as they all tried to speak at once. Despite their combined noise reaching an almost unbearable crescendo, there was no missing the furious voice that came from the entrance to the isolation room.

They froze.

Teyla broke their alarmed silence. “My evening has been most rudely interrupted by the medical staff so that I may remind you that visiting hours ended some time ago. If you continue in this fashion the guards will escort you out themselves.”

Juno’s eyes widened in awe as both wraith immediately dipped their heads in deference and the two men muttered, “sorry, Teyla.” 

Rodney shuffled off the bed and glared at Sheppard. “Come on then, chop-chop. If you’re going to make it up to me lets at least get it done in this lifetime.”

Todd trailed behind Sheppard as they ambled past Rodney. As the pair approached Teyla, the Commander and the Athosian leader must have conducted a silent exchange as the wraith abruptly raised himself to his full height before quickly continuing on his way.

Rodney went to follow them out, avoiding Teyla's piercing gaze and holding the doughnut platter like a shield. He paused in the doorway and looked over his shoulder. "Ah, well, goodnight Juno. It's good that you're, you know, better. Don't think you can miss any more rehearsals." Rodney paused, contemplating. His blue eyes flicked over to the wraith. "And, thanks Nexus. For the life-saving and what-not."

Nexus nodded at McKay, the surprise evident on his face. Juno smiled and called out, "goodnight, Rodney. And thank you for the doughnuts." But Rodney was already off down the hallway.

Nexus threw back his covers and managed to climb around Juno in a blur of green and black. He stood at attention beside the bed with his hands behind his back, offhand gripping the wrist of his feeding arm. Juno felt terrible for intruding upon Teyla’s time with her family and went to stand beside the wraith.

Nexus spoke first, eyes aimed at Teyla’s boots. “I apologise, my-- my lady.”

Juno followed with an apology of her own but looked Teyla in the eye. “I am terribly sorry. I promised Dr. Beckett that I would bring our visit to an end but our conversations all got out of hand. Again.”

Teyla walked forward gracefully, stopping before Nexus. “There is no need for you to apologise, Nexus. But you must get some rest.” She placed her hands on his shoulders and brought her forehead up to meet his. Nexus seemed too shocked to move.

“Dr. Ashburn.” Teyla’s gaze made Juno tense up a little, waiting to be told to return to her quarters. “I trust that you will see to it that Nexus will get some sleep, without interference from any more well-wishers.”

"Yes, of course.” She fumbled her way through the Athosian greeting then watched Teyla’s dignified exit from the room. 

She looked over at Nexus who lifted his eyes from the floor to look at her. The wraith shifted his bare feet restlessly and fiddled with his zipper again. Juno smiled to herself. She found it hard to believe that being alone with her again could make him so nervous. 

Stepping up to Nexus, Juno gently pushed his hands aside and unzipped his new jacket. “It’s a little bulky for sleeping,” she explained, helping him out of it and draping it at the end of the bed. When he didn’t move, she nudged him with her shoulder. “In you get then.”

“Yesss, of course,” he whispered, dipping his head a little and sending the butterflies in her stomach into a tailspin. “My lady.”

  
  


_******************_ _******************_

  
  


Juno had put the lightsaber pen with the Iratus clasps on the bedside table. From her spot sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked down at a sleeping Nexus. She recalled the memory that he had shared with her when she had panicked in her quarters. _Gosh, was that only this morning?_

Through that dreamy purple haze, she had seen Nexus as a wraithling, secure in his sire’s lap. If he was human, she would have guessed his age had been about nine or ten. Clad in a basic black tunic, young Nexus had his hair in small braids and his bare feet were jiggling anxiously. He had been clutching the elder wraith’s shirt, pulling the fabric down so that his little offhand splayed in the centre of the exposed skin of his father’s chest. Not feeding. Just touching. _To think, her Nexus had once been so small, so vulnerable..._

Juno looked again at the wraith dozing next to her. With his alien features completely relaxed for a change, he looked just as defenceless. She ran her fingers lightly across one brow ridge, then down around his eye and along a prominent cheekbone. No tattoos or facial hair to mar its smooth surface, the wraith’s face could have been carved from a light green marble. She tucked a stray lock of white hair behind his ear. _Feels like feathers._

Tugging the blankets and the damaged jacket up a little higher, she covered his shoulders. She should really be getting back to her own bed. _A few more minutes won’t hurt._

Juno couldn’t help but wonder again about his First Naming. _Stella-nix_ , the name he’d given her, represented the way he saw her _solis_. Even though she liked his Hive Name, she longed to have a name for him that was all her own. Closing her eyes, she reached for their _filum_. Juno sent Nexus thoughts full of _hive_ and _heal_ and _rest._ She felt only a silence heavy with sleep, but she hadn’t expected a reply. 

Just as she was about to get up, the ghost of a thought brushed the surface of her mind.

_i am... sol-vocatus…_

“Sol-vocatus?” she whispered. She gazed intently at Nexus, but he slept on. Juno concentrated.

_goodnight, nexus._

Feeling bold, she added

_sweet dreams,_

_sol-vocatus_

Nexus shifted in his sleep. 

_goodnight, juno._

Juno felt his mind reaching out to her. 

_sweetest of dreams,_

_stella-nix mea..._

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where to next, you ask? I was thinking that it might be high time that Nexus and Todd showed us around their hive... ;)
> 
> Juno’s fountain pen:  
> http://www.fountainpennetwork.com/forum/topic/225632-custom-antique-gold-fountain-pen/
> 
> Sheppard’s pen might look a bit like this:  
> https://www.amazon.co.uk/Star-Wars-Lightsaber-Pen-BLUE/dp/B00KKJG43S


End file.
